Sound Of Madness
by Rendall
Summary: AU. Kendall Knight was a deaf-mute and a musical prodigy. James Diamond was a spoiled rich kid, and...a closet poet? They were paired together to produce a musical composition in order to win a scholarship of 25,000. Will they be able to overcome their obstacles and let the music tell the story of words they are too afraid to speak? Kames/Cargan Rating may go up
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

**Author's Note**: Just don't kill me for starting a story when I have three others unfinished. I just needed to get this typed up and out there, and out of my head. I'm still not sure if I like the idea yet, just like the Thirteenth Hour its different from anything I've ever written. I don't know when I'll update next because I'd like to get the aforementioned story finished, because it is fitting with the season. I hope you all enjoy. This is more of a prologue in some sorts.

* * *

Since he was an infant, Kendall Knight had always been the odd one out, he had always been special. Like all mothers before their due date, Mrs. Knight (Jennifer) had undergone certain tests to make sure everything was perfectly normal with her pregnancy. As it turned out everything was up to standards and going according to plan, and it seemed as though things were finally turning around for her. The pregnancy had been a stressful one full of extreme mood swings and ridiculous cravings that Mr. Knight (Ryan) put up with without even a hint of annoyance, because they were finally having a baby. It was their fifth attempt, the last four ending in miscarriages and faulty eggs. This was their chance, and they weren't going to risk it for the world. With only a little more than a month left to endure, they sat together in the pediatrician's office, waiting the results of the last few tests. Everything was fine, everything except the baby's hearing. The doctors in the NICU explained how it was a completely normal occurrence, and how they'd take a better examination of the baby as soon as he was born.

After multiple failed attempts, Jennifer couldn't help but fear that something was wrong. Her worries consumed her every thought to the point where she couldn't eat or sleep unless she was sure everything was going to be okay. Within just a few days her stress levels had risen dangerously high, inducing her labor four weeks earlier than expected.

The operation had been quick with the nurse using anesthetics to numb the pain as the procedure took place. Jennifer never even felt a thing.

Immediately after the baby was born, complications arose. He was under the average weight of a baby his size with an abnormally high heart rate. Being prematurely born the doctors whisked him off to the nursery while Jennifer cried for the chance to hold her son, her only request being denied.

During the first few hours they sedated Jennifer to calm her nerves as her emotions continued to get the better of her. While she waited for the chance to see her baby, the doctors asked her questions regarding the pregnancy while Ryan sat by her side holding her fragile, shaking hand. When the subject concerning the baby's name and birth certificate came about, Jennifer glanced quickly at her husband before the name slipped from her lips, "Kendall."

It wasn't until almost a day later that Jennifer was finally granted the chance to see her baby. She stood behind the glass window of the nursery with Ryan behind her as they looked into the tiny room full of beeping monitors and cribs. Tears sparked in her eyes at the sight of Kendall wrapped in a baby blue blanket, with tubes under his nose to help sustain his breathing and ivy needles pressed into his little arms. She couldn't believe how weak he looked.

Every day she would return and visit him, crying over his helplessness and knowing there was nothing she could do about it. It wasn't until a week later when she first held him, and she swore in that moment her heart broke.

She was given time alone to relax in her hospital bed with Kendall sleeping in her arms, his tiny hands wrapped around her finger. When the doctor came to check up on the two, Jennifer's face lit up. _Finally,_ she hoped. _I can take him home_.

In the room, the doctor placed a manila folder on the table beside the bed and sat down at a stool, clasping his fingers together. "Mrs. Knight?" he mumbled as more of a question than that of a statement. Just by his tone she could tell something was off.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, or at least, nothing that we can fully diagnose at this time. After multiple tests we've been able to conclude that Kendall is perfectly healthy, besides the obvious concern of his weight which should clear up soon enough once he's fed regularly."

"Well that's good. I can take him home right?"

The doctor nodded solemnly. "Indeed you can. We'll just need you to return in about three months for a few more tests."

"Tests? But you said he was perfectly healthy."

"From what we can tell, he is. He's a happy baby. He doesn't cry or scream like most of them." The doctor paused, unsure of how to continue his spiel.

"That's a good thing, right?"

This time he shook his head. "It's abnormal. And no matter what we do, he exhibits absolutely zero response to the hearing examination."

"What exactly are you saying?" Jennifer was getting worked up at this point. Was Kendall okay or wasn't he?

"All I'm saying is bring him back within the next three months. He's still too young to diagnose anything at the moment." She opened her mouth to speak only to be stopped. "Please. It's really all we can do." And with that, Jennifer waited until Ryan was out of work to come get her so they could finally take their baby home.

* * *

When you're different, people look at you funny, even when you can't help that you're different. Sometimes you're born that way and no matter how hard you try, there's nothing you can do to change that.

He was a deaf-mute; it was as simple as that. Kendall never saw it as an insult, he knew it was true. It was who he was and he wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Growing up was hard for Kendall. Lacking communication skills he learned to keep to himself and never really understood the meaning of a friend. Most kids his age avoided him, none having the time to learn the only language he knew to speak. Kendall was placed into special classes, for kids just like him, only no one else was like him. No one else was deaf.

It took until just before his second birthday for Kendall to be diagnosed as a deaf-mute. Sure the signs had been there since his birth, but the doctors needed to make sure of that fact. Unlike most toddlers, Kendall never spoke. He never cried. He never screamed. He never even giggled. His father thought of it as a blessing. Who wouldn't love to have a kid that wouldn't wake them up in the middle of the night? He'd be able to get a full 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, albeit he slept alone.

Jennifer would stay with Kendall through the night, staying up just to keep an eye on him. Once she heard the news of his diagnosis, she studied up on her American Sign Language (ASL). She even hired herself a tutor, just to make sure she was learning it right. With each new word she learned, she'd pass it on to Kendall, helping him position his little fingers while writing the meaning of the gesture on a blank sheet of paper. She'd fall asleep every night exhausted, only to wake up and do it all again. Raising a deaf kid wasn't an easy task.

When Kendall was five, his mom became pregnant with her second child. During the pregnancy Jennifer was bed ridden. Ryan was forced to take a leave of absence from work and even hired a nanny. Between dealing with a sick wife and a deaf kid he had no time for anything else.

His family was his entire life. During the day he'd continue Jennifer's teachings to Kendall. Three years later and still the boy had so much to learn. Through all his lessons, it only took an hour for Kendall to get antsy. The child never really could sit still. When this would happen, Ryan would pull out his old guitar. As he would play, he'd reach for Kendall's hand and place it against the strings. So what if he couldn't hear the melody? He could still feel the vibrations. And once whatever song he was playing would finish, he'd take a bow and Kendall would wiggle his hands in the air, giving his father the only form of applause he knew; the silent kind.

Kendall's sixth birthday came and went as Jennifer fought through her pregnancy. With the medical bills and everything that had been going on, funds were tight. Even with the help from Ryan's and Jennifer's parents they were barely making ends meet. So that birthday, they spent the time together in the nursery, where Jennifer laid in bed as Ryan played them a song, a new song he had written for the three people he loved most in the world.

Ryan never missed the glint Kendall got in his eyes whenever he pulled out his old, sleek guitar. Once the song was over, he passed the instrument over to Kendall, placing it in his much smaller hands. "_Take good care of it Kendall,"_ he signed. And the smile that formed on Kendall's face at the gift, both his parents swore it could have moved mountains.

That night, Ryan awoke to Jennifer crying. She'd had a nightmare that something had happened to Kendall. He calmed her down enough so that she could return to resting. As for him, he was left wide awake. Shuffling out of bed in the dead of night, he walked down the hall in hopes of finding an old sitcom on TV to put him back to sleep, but on his way something stopped him dead in his tracks.

The door to Kendall's room was ajar, just like they always left it before heading to bed. He stepped into the room with caution, only to find Kendall wide awake and sitting on the edge of his bed, guitar in his hands. Ryan walked up to Kendall and rested his hands on either of his knees. "_Time for bed,"_ he gestured and Kendall just shook his head.

With his tongue poking out between his lips and his eyebrows scrunched together in concentration, Kendall began to strum. His tiny fingers moved gracefully over the strings while his blonde head bobbed along to a melody that he would never be able to hear.

He played an entire song; every note was stricken to the brink of perfection. With the final strum Kendall looked up into his father's eyes, only to find him crying.

It was impossible. It didn't make any sense in the slightest. Kendall was deaf. The boy couldn't even speak. Rarely did he ever open his mouth, except to eat and brush his teeth. Yet there he was on the edge of tears himself. "_Sorry Daddy."_ His little fingers moved to create the words, but Ryan reached out for the little hands, only shaking his head.

"_You did nothing wrong."_

Kendall was confused. He cocked his little head to the side. _"Then why are you sad?"_

"_I'm not sad Kendall. These are happy tears."_

"_Why are you crying if you're happy Daddy?"_

Ryan didn't even try to hide his smile. Pride was written all over his face. _"Because this world is full of miracles."_

"_Daddy what's a miracle?"_

Kendall's innocence brought out a side in Ryan he never thought he had. Expecting a definition and a long string of hand movements Kendall waited patiently for him to explain just what a miracle was. But Ryan only smiled and poked Kendall's button nose, mouthing out just one word, 'You', knowing Kendall would understand. That was one moment Kendall swore he would never forget.

* * *

Everyone was rushing around him. The nanny was speaking gibberish, moving her lips so fast to where Kendall couldn't capture a single word as he watched her mouth move. Something was happening and no one would tell him what.

Kendall was forced into the backseat of the old family station wagon. His father was at the wheel while Jennifer sat in the passenger seat, clutching her stomach. And suddenly it all clicked. Jennifer was going to have her baby.

In the back of the car Kendall imagined what his life would be like once the new baby was born. He knew it would be a girl, his parents having told him when they first found out themselves. He pictured holding her hand and pushing her on the swing just as his dad had done for him. He imagined them coloring together. He imagined playing her a song that would bring her to tears, just as he had done for everyone else.

The Minnesota winter was crisp as Ryan rushed to the hospital. Show fell in sheets over the barren land. Over the center console he held Jennifer's hand, whispering to her beneath his breath a calming melody. Every so often she would squeeze his hand as a contraction would come and pass, and the tight feeling of her hand in his only made him smile. Their dreams were coming true.

Nobody ever saw it coming. One moment they were one perfect, happy family, on their way to greet the newest member. The snow obscured Ryan's vision as he drove on down the freeway. They were only minutes away from the hospital. The next exit was their destination, except they never made it that far.

Kendall saw the headlights coming straight ahead. They were going to collide, there in the middle of the three-lane highway. Just before the impact, everyone was silent, all except for one little boy in the backseat who screamed with all his might, before everything faded into nothingness.

* * *

The bright lights burned his vision as his eyelids fluttered open. He blinked rapidly, adjusting to the intense fluorescents. Surrounding Kendall were strange men all dressed in baby blue with white lab coats. Once he came to, a man stopped next to his bed with a sad smile on his face. Kendall signed to the man, moving his nimble fingers as quick as his body would let him. _"Where's my daddy? Where's Mommy? Where's my new baby sister?_"

The doctor stopped Kendall's frantic gestures, before making a few of his own. "_We lost your dad, and your mom is waiting for you, she would like you to meet someone."_

Kendall was confused. If they had lost his dad, why didn't they just search for him? He was a big guy, with blonde hair and green eyes just like him. Wincing in pain Kendall swung his legs out of the hospital bed and slipped his feet into a pair of slippers just his size. "_Okay. Let me know when you find my daddy, Doctor. He looks just like me."_ And then Kendall smiled that dimpled grin, the one that could move mountains at just the sight.

The spectacle broke the doctor's heart as he led Kendall over to see his mother. There in the next room over, Jennifer cradled a baby wrapped in a pink blanket, with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"_Mommy! Mommy what's wrong?"_ he signed, sitting down in the chair beside her bed. Jennifer just shook her head, unable to bear the bad news just yet. Instead she handed the little baby in her arms off to the doctor before taking the time to sign to Kendall.

"_Her name's Katie."_

"_Pretty! Mommy where's Daddy? The doctor said they lost him. Is he playing hide-and-seek?"_

Jennifer choked back a sob, her lips quivering as she mouthed out the words her quick hands formed. She wasn't ready to explain death to her son. Not when he was so young, so full of misunderstanding, so full of life. Instead she ignored the question altogether. _"No need to worry. He's still here in our hearts." _She placed a hand over his small chest. "_My little miracle."_

* * *

Sometimes in life you're dealt the unlucky hand, or at least that's what Kendall was told to believe. And from what he heard, he was one unlucky fella. He didn't see it that way. Life handed everyone obstacles for them to overcome, he just happened to be handed a few more than most.

It didn't take too long for Kendall to learn the truth behind his father's disappearance. When he found out he responded the only way he could, with silence. He locked himself in his room and sat on his bed, staring at the guitar that rested against the wall across from him. It took everything he had to stop himself from breaking it, from smashing it to pieces. Yet in the end, he held the sleek instrument and released his emotions with each delicate strum of a string as his tears stained the darkened wood.

Kendall had a gift different from most. He could play any instrument handed to him without having to learn. It came as naturally to him as talking did to any other normal person out there. Music was a way for him to speak without words. He was a true prodigy.

At the age of fifteen Jennifer signed him up for an audition at Palmwoods Music Academy. There Kendall sat on a stage in front of fifteen strangers who all stared up at him with bored looks on their faces. He could tell they didn't care about him. They were giving him a chance because they felt sorry for him. Kendall was sick of the sympathy.

Knowing what he was capable of, Kendall sat comfortably in front of a grand black piano. Tweaking his fingers only slightly above the ivories, he pressed the first key, the vibration surging through his body as if it were part of his blood. From there he did what he did best. He displayed all the words, all the emotions he couldn't explain through the music. And once he was done, there wasn't a single dry eye in the room.

Up on stage walked a man with snow white hair in a formal black suit and tie. Standing in front of Kendall he kneeled down and held out his hand for Kendall to shake. Kendall took the gesture in acceptance, before the man began signing to him in a language he understood, his lips moving along with his hands. "_Exquisite. Absolutely fantastic. Welcome to our school Mr. Knight."_

Shaking his head Kendall shooed away the name. "_Mr. Knight was my father. I'm Kendall, and thank you. Just wait until you see me play the guitar._" And he couldn't be sure, because he would never be able to hear the sound, but Kendall swore the man laughed, and he did too. He laughed in his own special way, the only way he knew how, the silent way.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Sorry to all you who cried while reading the first part, I didn't even consider the fact that it was sad. And this part is lighter with the emotions, but I don't think it's as good as the first part. I'm not really sure how I feel about this.

* * *

All the seniors lounged around in the auditorium, chatting and gossiping as they waited for principal Griffin to begin his speech. Why they were forced to sit through an assembly about the end of the year senior projects – they had no idea.

Sitting towards the middle of the theater, James Diamond waited beside his best friends Logan and Carlos. The two were bickering as usual, and instead of maintaining the peace, James leaned back and rested his feet on the back of the chair in front of him. From his bag he pulled out a notebook and scribbled along the lines as his chestnut colored hair fell to hide his face.

"Hey pretty boy, whatcha writing?" Logan tried to peer over the pages, but James was faster, swatting Logan's smaller hand away and abruptly closing the pad of paper. If it hadn't been for his natural rosacea, Logan would've sworn James had been blushing.

"None of your Goddamn business," James seethed, crossing his arms as Logan shot him a look, raising an eyebrow in confusion, before a knowing smirk spread across his lips.

"So touchy. What's eating away at you James?"

Before James had the chance to answer, Carlos jumped in. "He probably needs to get laid. What's wrong Jamie? No guys were willing to bend over for you during your precious little ski trip?"

James' flamboyancy was a secret to no one. So he preferred boys to girls, just like some people preferred vanilla ice cream to chocolate. James didn't see it as a big deal, and neither did his buds, they just liked to taunt him for it, making snide remarks that even James couldn't deny were funny as hell.

"Please…I didn't even have to ask. Tons of guys would beg on their knees to have a piece of this." He motioned to himself, clad in the Palmwoods attire. His red button up untucked, his tie loosened around his neck and his long, lean legs dressed in black slacks with a pair of converse. If you asked him he was the hottest guy in the school.

With Logan being the smart ass that he was he glanced around the room and clapped a hand on James' shoulder. "Hate to break it to you, Precious but, where would these guys be? I mean if they're begging for you wouldn't there be a line? I see no line." James shoved Logan's arm away playfully as Carlos laughed beside Logan, wadding up a piece of paper tightly in his fist.

"You're such a piece of shit Mitchell."

"And you're a manwhore. A gay manwhore. I'd rather be a piece of shit any day."

James rolled his hazel eyes and moved to brush his hair out of his eyes. "Don't knock it 'til you try it. Oh wait, you've never had any, _ever._" Carlos fist pumped the air in victory, momentarily pulling both boys out of their little argument. "Something going on Los?"

"Yeah, you look like you just landed a date. And we all know that's not possible."

"Fuck off Logan. And nah, I just hit my target." Carlos mumbled, already crushing another scrap sheet of paper and rolling it into a ball, tossing it up ahead of him and making contact with the back of a kid's head. "Yes. Two for two!"

"Big whoop. Hand me a piece."

And then they were off, pelting whatever they could find at the blonde up front. Although James didn't approve of it, he didn't bother forcing them to stop. The blonde never even turned around to yell at them. He didn't retaliate at all.

Sensing he was in the clear, and that the two imbeciles next to him were thoroughly distracted, James retrieved his notebook and opened up to the marked page, continuing right where he left off. His tanned hand flew across the page, inspiration clouding up his mind as the words flowed effortlessly along the numbered lines. For once everything was finally coming together. Just as he reached the last stanza, the lights in the room dimmed for a spotlight to shine up on the stage, basking their esteemed principal in some sort of angelic glow. James scoffed and shoved his notebook aside. He had better things to do.

* * *

Yet another piece of paper hit the back of Kendall's head and he continued to do nothing about it. From past experiences he knew they would get bored with him eventually, just like they always did. For him it was best not to intervene and just take what was given to him. It's not like he could yell at them to stop, and even if he could it's not like they'd listen.

Kendall was a natural target. Whether it were pencils and papers being pelted at him, or gum getting caught in his hair. He remembered countless times going home when he was younger, only to have his mom cut a chuck of the bubble-licious or stride out of his hair. And he just didn't understand why they did it. He never provoked them. Kendall would just sit through classes like the rest of them and keep to himself, avoiding any and all social contact. He didn't understand how doing absolutely nothing at all could lead to so many people hating him. It didn't make sense.

As soon as the lights in the auditorium dimmed it stopped. Every eye was focused on principal Griffin. Well almost every eye, instead Kendall watched Mrs. Wainwright (Kelly)stand one row ahead of him, gesturing with her hands the words Mr. Griffin was speaking.

Kendall loved Kelly. Besides for maybe his mom and his sister, she was the only other person he could really talk to that understood him. She never showed him any sympathy and he welcomed that. It was like a breath of fresh air, knowing he could go to her with anything. Not to mention she was his biggest fan.

Every day during school Kendall had a scheduled session with Kelly. Together they would practice his ASL and he'd go home learning at least ten new words. He still remembered their first encounter as if it had happened yesterday. Their meeting was scheduled for the end of his first day. Kendall was so relieved to meet a friendly face. She was the first to smile at him all day long, but then again that was her job. Being a guidance counselor, kindness was in her job description.

With the Palmwoods being a school of the arts, they discussed Kendall's interests. He explained with swift hand motions how he could play almost any instrument without practice, especially strings. Kelly tested his ability. They relocated from her tiny office to the music room. There awaited everything from the banjo to the cello. Kendall transitioned with ease, mastering every new obstacle. He played a different tune with every instrument, the melody of the notes ranging from deep and soft to high and shrill. He finished with the piano, blending ever note he previously played into one long musical piece. It was something of his own creation, and Kelly was left awestruck. Quickly she moved her hands, asking Kendall a question no one ever bothered to ask before. "_How?_"

The blonde teen only shrugged as a pink hue spread along his skin. "_It's a miracle. I just know."_

Their lesson ended with a goodbye in hopes of meeting the next day for another session. As he left, Kendall finally felt like he'd made an accomplishment because he'd finally made a friend.

Back in the auditorium, Griffin was finishing up his speech, explaining to everyone just how important their senior year was. At the end of every year PMA holds a senior showcase, where each student displays their ability to create their own artistic masterpiece through song, dance, or film. After performing everyone waits patiently as the judges make their final decision. In the end the final winner earns a scholarship of $7000.

What all the seniors didn't understand was why they had to sit through a half hour of listening to something they already knew about. Only something changed over the last summer. PMA was awarded one of the top private schools of the arts in the country. With this recognition came an increase in academic funding. So this year, the seniors were in for a surprise.

Kendall tried to keep up as Kelly gestured to him. He could only imagine how tired her arms were getting. It wasn't until the last few lines when Kendall froze. "_$25,000 is on the line. This year's showcase will be duets. You will perform in groups of two, and based on past performances each of you has been matched with a partner. The list awaits hanging in the corridor outside the back doors to the theater. Good luck everyone."_

Everyone scrambled out of the room in anticipation to find who they were paired with. Kendall watched everyone and their retreating figures, waiting until he knew it'd be empty to check. He was in no mood to work with others. He preferred working along.

Staying back he hopped over the seats in front of him and hugged Kelly. "_Thank you."_ He signed. "_I know your arms must be tired."_

Kelly only laughed. "_Someone's gotta do it. Think you can win it Kendall? Take home $12,500 at the end of the year?"_ Kendall could only hope he would win. It stressed him out to the point where he was losing sleep over the issue of money. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed money. The only reason he was even registered at PMA was because of a scholarship. The school had been paying his way since freshman year, and without it he'd more than likely homeschooled.

Kendall nodded. "_It'd help a lot with everything we've talked about."_

"_I know honey. I'll be rooting for you. Don't let anyone know, but you're my favorite."_ She winked as she smiled before motioning towards the back door. "_Go find out who your partner is._"

Sighing, Kendall hung his head low while he exited the theater, watching his feet as he walked. The hall outside was empty besides for three people, who were all giving him dirty looks. Pushing past them he found his name on the list, paired next to a James Diamond. Kendall had no idea who the guy was, or at least he didn't until he felt a tapping on his shoulder.

* * *

"Who the fuck is Kendall Knight?"

"He's that blonde kid we toss stuff at." Carlos said, high fiving Logan over the fact that they were chosen to duet together. "So if we win I hope you know I'm taking all the money."

"Dude, do you know how much that'll help with medical school? There's no way." Both shorter boys teased each other, laughing while James stood there not amused. Why was he the one paired with someone else? He didn't even know who this kid was. What if he sucked at singing? James wouldn't have any of that. He needed to win.

As James processed his thoughts the blonde in question stumbled out of the auditorium. "Hey you!" James called, but the blonde didn't look up. Instead he pushed right past all three of them to find his name. Rolling his eyes James tapped on Kendall's shoulder to get his attention.

"I'm James," he said, holding out his hand and offering it to Kendall to shake. Instead the blonde simply stared at his hand, not bothering to introduce himself at all.

"Hello? I'm talking to you." Still no response. All Kendall did was blink at James as if he were stupid. "I feel like I'm talking to a fucking wall. Help me out here guys."

Logan shook his head. "The kid doesn't talk. I've been in the same English class with him for three years now. I've never heard him say a word."

"What is he, mental?" It was then that Kendall finally tried to speak. James look at him funny, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow as Kendall practically seized in front of him, his hands moving at the speed of light. "Uhhh…" As soon as Kendall was finished he fled; took off running down the halls with his blonde hair flopping around on top of his head. "What the hell was that?"

Beside him Carlos hit the side of his arm and laughed. "Your partner's a freak."

From the theater door Kelly observed the whole transaction. She'd seen what Kendall said and almost had to stop herself from chasing after him. Instead she walked over to James. "Hey Mrs. Wainwright," he smiled sweetly.

"James." She nodded politely.

"Have you ever talked to Kendall before? You're the guidance counselor, you should know everyone right?"

Again she nodded. "James, there's something you need to know about Kendall. He's not…he's not like you boys."

"Yeah, he doesn't talk." Logan piped in, stepping up and pushing James out of the way. "By the way Mrs. Wainwright, I'd love to have you as a reference for when I apply to Harvard…if you wouldn't mind."

Kelly knew just how smart Logan was. Everyone did. He was bound to be valedictorian come spring and graduation. "Of course dear, but anyways back to Kendall, James you have to have an open mind about him. Like I said before he's different."

"What's so special about him?" Carlos asked.

"He's deaf, you didn't notice me signing to him throughout the assembly?"

James swore he was going to explode. How could he get paired with a disabled kid, let alone one who was deaf? Wasn't hearing pretty much a necessity when it came to music? How the hell had he gotten into a music school in the first place? Everyone who went to Palmwoods auditioned first in order to get in. "No, I was too busy sleeping. Griffin really knows how to put someone to sleep. So you're saying that my…my partner can't hear anything? And he can't talk either?"

Kelly shook her head sadly. "I'm afraid he can't, hasn't been able to all his life."

"So basically I'm fucked then." James didn't miss the glare from Kelly at his language. "I'm having my mom call the school up. There's no way I'm working with a deaf-mute. And no one says no to Brooke Diamond." James stalked off, moving as fast as his long legs could carry him.

Back at home James found his mom in her office, flipping through the pages of the newest issue of a magazine she had been featured in. "Mom." James said from the doorway. Brooke looked up with a smile on her face.

"James, what's the matter?"

"Everything! You know that senior showcase at the end of the year? Well this year the theme is duets and guess who they paired me up with." She stared at him dumbly; like she would know anyone who went to James' school. Brooke never took the time to get involved with James' social life very much. All she ever worried about was her precious cosmetics industry.

"Obviously I don't know James. Are you going to stand there expecting me to guess? Or are you going to tell me?"

Out of aggravation James ran a hand through his hair, tousling up the chestnut locks and sighing. "Kendall something or other, and mom he's deaf. How are we supposed to win if he can't even sing with me? You have to fix this. Request for me to work with someone else, Griffin will have to listen to you."

They were both silent as Brooke turned the idea over in her mind. Why it was taking her so long to answer, James had no idea. All he wanted was for her to fix everything like she usually did. After about five minutes of waiting she finally answered.

"No."

"But mom! I have to win this competition."

"I don't care. You're not doing that to some poor boy who can't help it. You're going to suck it up and work with him. Why do you have to win so badly anyways?"

"So I can get the fuck out of here. I'm sick of Minnesota." _I'm sick of you._

Brooke only shrugged and flipped her hair a little. Always her looks were of her upmost concern. "Looks like you're stuck here. Sorry kid. Now I have to finish reading over this review, and after I have a conference call with Avon, but after I'll work to make us some dinner, okay James? Just calm down."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever." Turning on his heel he walked out, slamming her office door behind him. Down the hall he made his way to the stairs, taking two at a time until he reached the top. In his room he flipped on the light and fell down onto his bed. With his pillow held in between his hands he screamed as loud as he could into the cushion knowing that no one would hear him.

For the rest of the night James locked himself in his room, sulking. He knew he was being a drama queen, and honestly that's what he was best at. He only cared about himself, that's all he ever cared about. When his mom came knocking on his door around six for dinner he told her to go to hell. She only responded with, "Okay, I'll see you there."

James couldn't help but laugh. At least his mom had a sense of humor. And she was probably right. He hated when she was right, and lately it seemed like she was never wrong. What she said went, with him and his dad his mom controlled them both. They had to fit into this perfect little image she had created for their family. James was disgusted with it. And if she knew he played for the same field, well he couldn't even imagine what she would do to hide it.

Once he was done feeling sorry for himself he found his bag where he'd dropped it by the edge of his bed. James swiped his notebook out and opened it up in his lap. While chewing on his lip he guided his fingertips slowly over the page and the words he'd written there before realizing it was complete shit. Then again a writer is always the worst critic of their own work.

_With a song lost deep in his heart, _

_The caged bird sings._

_He sings of freedom and love,_

_And everything lodged in between._

_The melody is soft,_

_He watches me as I listen._

_We are one in a moment,_

_It is freedom we both envision._

_Neither can escape the shackles,_

_Forever we are bound,_

_Desperately searching for anything,_

_Something that shall never be found._

_Yet even the caged bird sings of hope,_

_In a tune so blue,_

_And I wonder if I should too._

James was tempted as ever to just tear out the paper and crumple it in his fist. None of it made any sense. Along the page the bleeding black ink of the words stared daggers at him, daring him to rip them up; to disintegrate them as if they were nothing. As hard as he tried, he couldn't force himself to do it. Those were his words, his thoughts, his feelings, all jumbled up and thrown together in such a mess only he could understand.

Rereading it over again, James shut his notebook and threw it on his nightstand, groaning at the fact that it was only eight o'clock. With nothing to do he moved to lie back down in bed and closed his eyes. Clearing his mind his thoughts returned to Kendall and the showcase. He didn't understand how they were supposed to work together if they couldn't even communicate. And there was no way he would learn sign language for the kid; that was out of the question. If he had to toss papers with notes at the back of his head like Carlos and Logan then so be it. He was not going to waste his time on someone who meant absolutely nothing to him.

* * *

Yeah I'm not the best poet in the world so just ignore that it's just to help build James' character, who is kind of everywhere right now.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: so this sucks. This story is so hard to grasp I'm so sorry it takes so long to write and update. But hey I'm updating now (: the ending is stupid but it's like 1 am and I'm beat. There are probably a few more chapters before I really establish anything major in the plot. And sorry this is so short, I promise the others to be longer, yeah. Thanks for reading! Oh and does the language constitute this as mature? I'm not really sure haha.

* * *

Just like every day before and every day that would follow, Kendall awoke to the light tapping of Jennifer's hand on his shoulder. He let out a huff, he really didn't want to go to school and face James and his idiotic friends. He'd be much better off doing the project by himself and proving to everyone that he's more than just a deaf-mute.

Once he opened his eyes he looked up at his mother who gave him a loving smile. She signed to him the same thing she did every morning, "_Good morning sunshine_." And every time she did something deep inside of him shifted and a smile would creep across his lips.

"_Morning Mom._" He gestured back, pushing the covers off of him and sitting up in bed, stretching his arms to the ceiling and yawning slightly. Sticking to his daily routine Kendall hopped in the shower, letting every thought wash away before drying off and getting ready for the day. As soon as he was dressed he met his mom and sister out in the kitchen, knowing he only had a few moments before he had to run and catch the bus.

"_Have a good day sweetie,_" his mom signed, standing on the tips of her toes to press a kiss to his temple, watching him leave. Unlike most teens Kendall wasn't bothered by his affectionate mother. He knew he was blessed to have her in his life, and other kids his age just didn't seem to understand that. Plus without her he really wouldn't know what to do, and he'd always end up being late for school.

Walking onto the bus he sat in the row closest to the front, ignoring the odd stares he always seemed to get. He never understood everyone's fascination with him really, he wasn't _that_ special. During the ride Kendall kept his eyes on the road ahead of him, watching the yellow lines disappear the further they traveled until the bus reached the school. A simple smile formed on his face when the building came into view because the day was one step closer to being over.

Once inside the school Kendall kept his eyes trained on his feet as he walked through the halls. He liked to avoid any type of eye contact or social interaction of any kind. His gaze would flicker back and forth from admiring the pattern on his shoes to the watch attached to his left wrist. That was another thing while in school. Kendall had the habit of constantly checking the time just to make sure he wouldn't be late for class. Sometimes life sort of sucked when he didn't have the privilege of hearing the warning bell go off.

With it being his senior year he only had to attend his regular math and English courses, giving him time to spend the rest of the day to focus on what mattered most to him, the music. He could get lost for hours just sitting on the bench of a piano as he'd tickle the ivories, and when he played the guitar, his attention was completely drawn to the strings and their vibrations, knowing he was on the brink of creating a masterpiece. Or at least that was what everyone always told him, he just had to push himself to believe it.

Grabbing his books from his locker Kendall headed off to his first two classes. He didn't pay much attention to the equations on the board or the book he was supposed to be reading. Instead he doodled out a staff and drew the music notes along the lines in a way to where it made sense inside his head as he imagined what they would sound like when placed together with actual music. It didn't really matter if he paid any attention to the lectures either way, his teachers would always pass him, because who wants to be the one to fail the deaf kid?

Once morning classes were over, Kendall headed to the school's main office before going to the music room. He had a bone to pick with the director of the music program.

Sitting in the expansive, modernistic office Kendall felt like a sore thumb. The music director Gustavo flashed him less than that of a friendly smile as he sat before Kendall, twiddling his thumbs together as he waited for the boy to write out the reason for his visit. When he was handed the notebook, Gustavo's eyes scanned the page as Kendall watched his face for any signs of agreement with what he was requesting. Noticing the man shake his head Kendall lost all hope, letting his shoulders fall into a slump. There was no way Gustavo was going to let the boy work on his senior piece alone.

The notebook was handed back to him with a messy scrawl written beneath his own writing. _Why?_

Kendall responded with the only response he could really think of, _because no one wants to work with the special ed kid._ After tossing the notebook, Kendall left the room in a hurry, not wanting to see the hurt that would play across the big man's face. Sure Gustavo was a hard ass, but he did have a heart; that was something Kendall realized a while back, upon meeting him.

He scrambled off to the music room, ready to release his pent up frustration on his music. Why couldn't he just work alone? In every other circumstance of his life people had gone out of their way to separate him from the rest, from the 'normals'. For the first time since Kendall could remember, he actually wanted to be separated and he was rejected. The irony of the situation really blew his mind.

Making himself comfortable on the little black bench Kendall pulled out his math workbook and turned to the page where his doodling began. Grinning from ear to ear, he wiggled his long fingers as they hovered above the ivory keys, before setting to work. He could feel the music within him, every note pierced a different part of his body, shining out above the rest. Fuck it if he couldn't hear it, he could feel it, and that was what really mattered to him.

* * *

When James heard his name resound from the speaker system in his art class he looked up from his drawing in confusion. What did Gustavo want with him? The teacher excused him with a wave of her hand, letting him go as he pleased. Taking long strides he ambled over to the director's office where the man sat patiently waiting for him from behind the big desk that matched the size of the man before it. "Sit." Gustavo barked, pointing to the chair across from him.

James took the seat with caution, lowering his tall frame onto the cushion while shooting Gustavo a confused look and a raised eyebrow. "What's up?" James asked, clapping his hands together and chuckling a bit uncomfortably. There was something about that gaze, even behind the sunglasses that made him jitter. Gustavo always knew how to give James the unwanted goose bumps that were now making their way down James' tanned forearms and causing the hair on the back of his neck to stand on end.

"Do you want to work with Kendall Knight on your senior project?"

James was at a loss. Was he really about to get out of working with the freak? God he hoped so. "To be honest, no."

Gustavo scrutinized his every move, if possible making James even less comfortable than what he already was. "And why not?"

"Because he's weird."

The big man sighed. "He's not weird James, he's just different." Okay so James felt a little bad, it's not like Kendall could control the fact that he was deaf. "And he doesn't seem all that flattered with wanting to work with you either."

A meek smile made its way to James' lips, twisting up the corners. "Does this mean we'll get re-paired up, since neither of us want to work together?" His hazel eyes were full of hope. He really didn't need the freak fucking up his chances of winning that prize cash. That was a good chunk of change that he wasn't willing to give up.

"What is this the fourth grade? This is your last year in high school. You're supposed to be respectable and understanding; not some hoity-toity spoiled rich kid. After this you'll be faced with challenges you won't even believe. I'm pretty sure working with Kendall won't kill you."

"But…but he's going to ruin everything!" James cried. "Everything I've worked for to get this far. I'm not going to let it fall apart because of some special ed kid who probably doesn't even know what the hell he's doing! How does someone like him get into a school like this anyway?" That was James' main concern. He didn't understand how someone who lacked the ability to hear could get enrolled into a music school. It puzzled him beyond belief.

"You really don't know anything do you?" Gustavo growled, pushing his chair back away from his desk and standing up. "Listen to me Diamond. You're going to work with Knight, and you're going to learn to appreciate him; as a composer, as a friend, as a person. The world doesn't revolve around that thick head of hair of yours."

"Whatever." James huffed, getting to his feet and walking to the door, one hand on the knob. "But fuck that if I'm going to appreciate him. Kendall Knight doesn't and never will mean anything to me. He's nothing but a spoiled little deaf-mute."

Gustavo covered his face in his hands, obviously rubbing away the aggravation the teen was sending his way. "Get out. Just get out." James was already way ahead of him, slamming the office door behind him and stalking back to class. He was ready to learn what the hell was so special about this precious little Kendall that everyone seemed to favor instead of him. It made no fucking sense in the slightest.

After his art class and practically ripping up his last project, starting something much more moody and dark, James slid his work into his bag and headed for lunch. There he found Carlos and Logan waiting for him at their usual table. Coming up behind them he placed a hand on either of their shoulders and tightened his grip just a squeeze. "We're on a mission boys. Get up."

Logan and Carlos shared a confused glance between them before following James out of the cafeteria, hot on his heels as the taller of the three led them around the school. Every few classrooms James would peek inside before turning his head and continuing on, getting more frustrated the farther they ventured down the halls. "Uh James?" Logan spoke, causing the boy to turn on his heels and shoot the shorter a glare.

"What?"

"Where are we going?"

"Yeah!" Carlos piped in. "Cause man I'm hungry. I'm missing out on Mami's lunch." Carlos held out the brown paper bag in his right fist. James scrunched his nose at the sight.

"Just help me find Kendall okay?" James sighed, running a hand through his chestnut locks and slumping against the locker closest to him.

Logan gave James an incredulous look. "Why do you wanna find him?"

"Because, if I'm going to work with him, then we need to set up a schedule for us to practice together. And I really don't want to go alone. He's creepy."

Rolling his eyes, Logan turned back down the hall. "I know where he is, follow me."

How Logan knew where to find Kendall was beyond James, but he didn't waste any time wondering about it. Logan basically knew everything, so this shouldn't have surprised James as much as it did. The smart boy led them into the music room. In the doorway he stopped to point at a blonde figure lying down on the floor next to the piano, tossing a tennis ball into the air. _What is with this kid?_

James stalked over to Kendall, and before the blonde realized what was coming, James snatched away the tennis ball, catching the boy on the floor off guard. Getting to his feet Kendall crossed his arms over his chest, giving James a glare and a look that said something along the lines of, "What was that for?"

"Hey." James said, before Logan slapped him across the back of the head. "OW!"

"He can't hear you dipshit."

"Fuck. This is gonna be harder than I thought." Out of his bag James extracted a notebook and scribbled down a little note along the blue lines before all but shoving the pad of paper into Kendall's chest. _Hey._

Kendall raised his eyebrows in wonder, not really sure what was going on.

"Can he even read?" Logan joked as all three boys waited for Kendall to write something, anything down in response to James' greeting.

"Deaf and can't read. Life must be shitty for him," Carlos whistled, setting his lunch down at an empty table in the room and digging in.

Kendall didn't miss the way the boys were laughing in front of him, and he didn't miss the glances they would throw in his direction. He could only assume he was the target of whatever was so humorous to the three. _Hi?_ he wrote back, not really sure of what else to say. Taking the notebook back James tapped his foot in irritation. He had absolutely no idea how he was going to handle spending time with the blonde. James wasn't a big fan of being quiet, or silence for that matter.

_So I guess we're partners._ James scribbled down. It was like passing notes in class only a lot more complicated.

_Yeah, sucks doesn't it?_

Well at least James wasn't the only one put out by the arrangements thrust upon them by Gustavo. _Whatever. Do you have a cell phone? This is beyond annoying. _The notebook was handed back to James rather quickly with a ten digit number written down. Pulling out his phone, James punched the number into his phone and texted Kendall a _J_ just so the blonde would know it was him.

James heard Kendall's phone go off, and damn was it a loud vibration. The blonde's quick fingers were tapping away on the outdated phone, James chuckling at the monstrosity of technology the blonde used. When James received a text in return he saw: **New Message from: deaf kid**. James wasn't a fan of names, plus did he really care what Kendall's name was? No not really. Opening up the text he read, _You can leave now. Text me whenever._ Wow. Who knew the little blonde was so pissy?

"Well then," James muttered under his breath. He grabbed Carlos by the hood on his sweatshirt and wheeled him out of the room with Logan hot on his heels, letting the door slam close behind them.

* * *

_Well that was weird_, Kendall thought to himself as James departed, watching the door shut with a raised brow. Remembering the tennis ball he had been tossing earlier, Kendall picked it up from where it rolled under the piano and continued throwing it up in the air and catching it. It was a process of his, and a great way for him to clear his head. Although James seemed to make that process a little more difficult with every text he sent the blonde's way.

It was as if every ten seconds Kendall's phone was going off. The vibration tingled in the pocket of his khakis, shaking his head at every new text sent his way from the egotistical jerk. _Does he ever shut up?_

James kept mentioning practice times and when and where they would meet. He went on a huge rant about how he wasn't going to let Kendall ruin this for him, and that James was going to run the show. He didn't care if Kendall doodled in the corner or contributed at all to the project. He just wanted to win.

The last text that read from the LCD screen of his phone had Kendall chucking his phone against the wall in aggravation. _James: Just stay out of the way. I don't want my future fucked up because I was paired with some talentless little shit like you. We don't have to like each other, we don't even have to be friends. Just don't get in my way, got it?_

Kendall almost couldn't believe it. Sure he figured James wasn't a nice guy, but did he really have to be so cruel? What the hell had Kendall done to him to make the pretty boy hate him so much? Absolutely nothing. Enraged by James Kendall sat back behind the piano and pushed up his sleeves, slamming down with such force on the keys that no doubt had the walls reverberating from the unpleasant sound. Kendall didn't really care. He was going to prove to James Diamond that he wasn't just some "_talentless little shit."_

By the time Kendall was on the bus ride home, his emotions were a lot more in check after spending his usual session with Kelly and basically letting all his anger out on her and every instrument he could lay his hands on. He couldn't believe how much he let that jerk get into his head. Thankfully his phone hadn't succumbed to any damage at being thrown at the wall. Thank god for Nokia's, those things were indestructible.

Kendall flitted his gaze out the window as the driver came up to his street. He hated that yellow sign that stood out among all the others at the end of the street. **DEAF CHILD AREA – **just another thing to add to the list that singled Kendall out among everyone else. It's not like he was some idiot who planned to run out into the middle of the street. He wished someone would just remove the sign.

Once he was back at home and trudging his way up the drive Kendall pushed himself through the front door and went straight for his room. All he wanted to do in that moment was take a pair of headphones and plop them around his ears and get lost in some loud, obnoxious angry music like the moody teenagers did on TV. Instead he settled for plopping down onto his bed and burying his face into the pillow, letting the silence drown him in a sea of thoughts where he clung to a life preserver just holding himself up above the crashing waves. Sometimes his thoughts could sink him into a place so low that he couldn't stand living inside his own mind.

When he felt the familiar vibration of his phone against his thigh, Kendall was pulled from his thoughts, thankful for the distraction. That was until he read who the message was from. _Oh look its dickhead again_. Kendall opened the text begrudgingly ready to have another spill of lashes thrown his way from the boy that seemed to single-handedly make it his job to ruin Kendall's life. _James: So when do you want to practice?_

Not even an apology. Was this guy for real? It had been hours since the last message, Kendall refusing to offer a reply, not that James deserved one in any way for that matter. Sitting up in his bed Kendall stared at his phone and deleted every message he'd received from James. It was his turn to piss the other off.

* * *

James paced back and forth in his room, clutching his phone in his hand. He was a little too eager for Kendall to respond. If they wanted to win this competition they had to be the best, and being the best meant practice. Practicing all the time with James singing until his lungs gave out and Kendall doing – well whatever the blonde could do without getting in his way.

"Well someone's unhappy." Logan said from James' bed, his hands resting behind his head as he watched the brunette pace, practically wearing a trail into the carpet.

"Fuck off." James muttered, checking his phone to make sure he didn't miss any messages he may have gotten.

Logan sat up in the bed and sighed. "I'm just saying. You really need to lose the tension dude." Standing up Logan stopped James in his tracks and took the phone from him, hiding it behind his back. "You need to relax."

"I can't relax. Not when everything's riding on the line here."

"James," Logan started off.

"Yeah?"

"We have months until the showcase. It's not until May. Seriously calm the fuck down. One day without practice isn't going to kill you. And if you want this kid to actually answer you," Logan scrolled through their previous messages, rolling his eyes at his friend's insensitivity towards the blonde, "maybe you should try being a bit nicer to him."

"Nice? Do you even know what that means? You're like the meanest person I know."

Logan smiled smugly. "I take pride in being a dick. It's what I do. But you're not a dick James, you're just paranoid."

James let out stress induced chuckle. "Yeah, no shit. It's just, nothing is going the way it's supposed to. Everything is so fucked up."

The smart boy shrugged. "That's life bud. Now are you going to keep whining, or am I going to help you with your homework?"

"You mean do my homework?" James smiled hopefully, trying to ignore the urge he had to grab his phone back from Logan and check if he had a text. Logan laughed, setting James to work on his math work while he fiddled with the boy's phone and texted the blonde something he obviously needed to hear. _I'm sorry._


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: So it's like 2:30 in the morning and I know I'm going to regret not reading this over so if there's any mistakes I'm really sorry. I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving and black Friday (people are crazy and I officially hate Kohl's). This will most likely be my last update for the next three weeks. I have finals coming up and a 8 page paper due so I won't have time for writing (although I might try and get to the 13th hour) I hope this part isn't too bad.

* * *

They hadn't spoken in about a week, and that's if you could really call it speaking. Kendall never responded to James' hasty ignorant texts from the week before, and when he finally retrieved his phone back from Logan, every message had been deleted. He wanted to press the question but James didn't bother, he didn't really care what Logan did with his phone either way. All he knew was that the blonde was now avoiding him, then again it wasn't as though Kendall ever went out of his way before to be a part of James' life.

With senior year being such a total waste of time at PMA James spent most of his free periods writing or warming up his vocal chords. He loved singing and he knew he was the best. The boy could belt out a note so long and perfectly pitched to rival that of Kelly Clarkson, or at least that's what James liked to believe. That's why he had to do so good at the senior showcase at the end of the year. So many talent scouts would be there from music schools across the country, and James wouldn't let himself or even Kendall screw up his chances. He just couldn't.

When he saw his friends walking up to him at lunch James hurriedly shoved his notebook and attempted to act nonchalant. "What's up gay boy?" Carlos asked, giggling as he slid into the seat across from James.

Logan rolled his eyes next to Carlos and offered James a smile. "Why do you look like you're in pain?"

James' parted his lips and tilted his head to the side in slight confusion. "What do you mean? I've just been thinking a little too much."

"That would explain the painful expression." Logan mumbled with a laugh, digging into the lunch he'd bought from the cafeteria. "Whatcha thinking about?"

"Nothing." _Everything_. James subconsciously shook the thoughts from his mind, shoving them deep into a box that he'd open up later when he was alone.

"You sure? You look perplexed."

James shrugged it off. "It's nothing, really I'm fine. Really."

Logan gave him another puzzling look before turning to Carlos and swinging an arm around his shoulder, whispering something in the boy's ear that had him laughing. As soon as the two were off in their own little world James was left with his thoughts once again and for once he just wished his brain would shut up. "Hey guys?" James asked as more of question than anything else.

Both the boys looked up, two pairs of brown eyes gazing at James and hanging on his next few words. "Yeah?" they said simultaneously.

"I think I'm gonna go? Yeah, I think I will. I'll see you later." It was like he was talking himself into leaving, but right now his two best friends company just wasn't what James needed to relax. He really didn't know what he needed that would finally help him calm down and maybe stop being so jittery.

James watched his feet as he walked through the halls aimlessly, the sound of his footfalls echoing in his ears with every step. He wasn't sure of what to do or where to go, he kind of just followed his feet as they steered him around the school, up two flights of stairs to the dancing rooms and back down again, all in the attempt of trying to clear his mind. It wasn't until maybe the fourth time of passing the door to the music room that he heard the melody coming from within. Curious as always James stopped just outside the door and pressed the side of his head against the wood, letting all that he was able to hear sink in. It was beautiful.

He found himself leaning against the door with a simple smile turning up at the corners of his lips as he stood there, listening to strike of every note to the keys. Whoever was playing had some magical fingers in James' opinion; that was for sure. Just the way the melody flowed was so harmonious that it had shivers tingling their way down James' spine, causing goosebumps to peek up along his arms and had the hairs at the back of his neck standing on end. It was one of those pieces of music that had your breath catching in your throat and your heart beating a mile a minute. James could practically feel the emotion pouring out of the mystery person who was sitting behind the piano right now. The pretty boy almost felt as if he were intruding on a secret meant just for the composer, but at the same time he couldn't make himself walk away. He had to stay and listen until the very last note as the music all but consumed him, making him forget every little worry he had before.

Once the last key was struck James let his body slump against the door as he took everything in. "Wow," he breathed to himself along the now silent corridor. All he wanted to do was turn the handle behind him and figure out the man (or woman) hiding behind it all. Even as he was itching to just strut right in, something had James holding him back because it wasn't his place to intrude. It wasn't his place to walk in on something so personal and still so magical all at once. "Just wow," he gasped again, now thankful for the distraction of the raging questions that burned inside his mind. They were certainly better than his previous thoughts.

Instead of heading back to the cafeteria, knowing that lunch would soon be over James paced back and forth down the hall that lead to the music room, hoping that whoever was inside would walk out because hey, they had to leave sometime, right? Nope. James ended up finding a bench to sit on at the end of the hall, watching the door with an admiring gaze. He sat like that for a while, not sure really how long until a clap on his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. "Dude!" Carlos cried from above him.

"Oh, hey guys." James mumbled, his eyes never leaving the door. It wasn't until a hand shot out in front of his face and started waving in a spasm that James finally grumbled and looked up. "What?"

"Did you really just sit out here all lunch hour by yourself?" Carlos asked, a smile on his lips while Logan looked down at James with concern. _Don't even try and figure me out right now Logan, I can barely do that for myself._

James shrugged, "Yeah, I did."

"Well why didn't you text us or something?" Carlos now moved to sit beside James on the bench. "We would've joined you."

"No it's okay, I think I just needed some time to myself…to clear my head."

"Okay," Carlos wrapped an arm around James' shoulder for a side hug. "We're going to head off to study hall, you coming?"

He was shaking his head before he even knew what was being asked. "Not now, but maybe I'll meet you guys later?"

Carlos gave him a warm smile before walking away and nodding his head, while Logan only had eyes for James, big brown eyes that held so many questions that James wasn't in the mood to answer at the moment, although he could just imagine how much Logan would blow up at him later.

After his friends were out of view James sat back on the wooden bench and tried to get comfortable. He really had no idea how long he would be sitting there waiting, already having decided a while back that he wasn't going to leave until whoever was in the room walked out. Curiosity killed the teenage pretty boy.

He tapped his foot, tried to balance a pencil between his lips and nose, and even went so far as to counting the tiles in the ceiling and floor; James was so bored. Even after an hour had passed the door never opened, mocking him almost in a way that had him agitated because who the hell went to the Palmwoods had that kind of talent?

Before he knew what was happening, James' thoughts had overtaken him again as the brunette thought about the past few days. Everything with his dad…and his mom just about falling apart; it was killing him. Now he couldn't leave, he'd always have to stay with his mom in order to keep her together. James' would have to take over the family business just like she wanted, because never again did James want to witness what he did that Sunday night.

In another ruthless attempt to switch the gears in his mind James pulled out the fairly worn notebook from his bag as he tapped the pen against the paper before chewing on the cap. If he wanted his mind to shut up he'd have to write and in order to write he'd need some sort of inspiration, and that the moment James had nothing. Taking a chance he stood up from the bench and walked back over to the door of the music room. He leaned against the wood and slid down it until he was sitting there with his knees pressed up against his chest. There he could hear the faint music playing from within and if the pleasing melody didn't calm him down then nothing would.

This time it was a tune different from before; much darker notes that flowed in such a way that had James stuffing his pen and paper away just to listen and let the music take him over. It was freaky in a way, how the composer seemed to let their emotions bleed through the harmony. It was close to pushing James on the verge of tears, but he held it together because it was only music after all, and he was tougher than that.

The melody never stopped, it was continuous as it seemed to drag on forever but James really didn't mind. Never before had he felt so relaxed in his life as he leaned his head back against that wooden door and just listened. Now if only whoever was playing would take a break and walk out, James needed to match a face to the beautiful sound.

It wasn't until a slap to his face that James shook awake, cricking his neck from side to side to help loosen the stiff kinks that formed as he napped against the wall.

"What are you doing?" Logan asked, kneeling down before him with a worried gaze.

"N-nothing. Just fell asleep."

"On the floor. At school. Against a door. Dude what is wrong with you and why didn't you come meet us in study hall?"

"Study hall is over already?" James asked, lifting his left wrist to check the time but before he had the chance Logan was slapping his arm back down to his side.

"There's like five minutes left of school. Man how long have you been sitting here?"

James shook his head. "I don't even know. I just heard this…I don't know."

"Heard what? You mean that?" Logan pointed to the door, where yes, music was still coming from. Surely whoever had been playing took a break, but they never left the room, considering the fact James fell asleep where the only door to the music room was.

"Yeah."

Logan stayed there for a moment, fixing his attention to what was going on inside the other room. The final notes of yet another amazing song were just being finished up, and as the last note fell it hung in the air between Logan and James. The brunette's mouth fell open in an 'o'. "Wow who was that?"

"No idea." James held a hand up for Logan to grab. "Help me up why don't you?"

Logan pulled James to his feet just in time for the door to open. Both boys turned at the sound, James almost fainting in shock at the person who walked out into the hall. It took a moment for him to register any thought of seeing Kendall before him, his momentary shock turning into rage. He was positively fuming.

"What the fuck? This is fucking joke right?"

"James…" Logan poked him in the arm, trying to regain his attention.

"No Logan shut up. What do you think you're playing at?" James asked Kendall, waiting for an answer as the blonde stood there, dumbfounded as he watched the pretty boy's lips move.

"James stop." Logan was pulling on James now as hard as he could to get him away from the blonde. Giving in for the moment James allowed Logan to push him up against the wall. "James what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Me? Me? The kid is fucking deaf Logan. He's DEAF. He can't hear a fucking thing yet he can…whatever." James had to stop himself before he actually praised the blonde, there was no way he'd ever do that.

"And you know if he could hear you right now he'd probably want to punch you in face just like I'm trying not to."

"Wait, why?"

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, a look James had known long enough to know that the shorter boy was far beyond irritated with him. "Because you're being an ass. You're so simple minded about this whole thing. You should be jumping for fucking joy right now because you get to work with him."

James' hazel eyes shot to the ceiling in mock annoyance. "Yeah right, he's not that good."

In order to keep himself from screaming Logan rubbed his hand over his face. "You're never not going to hate him are you?"

Smiling a smug grin James leaned down to whisper in Logan's ear, "Yup," before pushing the smaller boy to the side and walking back over to Kendall while pulling his own phone out of his pocket, making it a point for Kendall to do the same.

_Practice starts tomorrow after school. In the music room_. _You forgot to mention you actually had talent._

The blonde was ready for the text when it came, reading over the screen as he scrunched his eyebrows and scoffed. He was fast with his fingers, replying quicker than James expected. _You never asked._

"Whatever." James mumbled under his breath, turning on his heel and leaving Kendall standing there. He wasn't going to bother with a response, figuring he'd just meet Kendall tomorrow, but instead the blonde decided differently after sending James another message. _Why do you always walk away?_

Stopping in his tracks James turned to give Kendall a good look with a raised brow and pink lips pursed. Last week it was Kendall who never responded, but this time it was James' turn. He would have answered if he could, only for once he didn't have the answer. Instead James just shrugged in Kendall's direction and walked away with Logan by his side, leaving Kendall to watch their retreating figures before dropping his phone into his pocket and leaving in the opposite direction.

* * *

The next day James feet dragged through the halls like dead weight as he made his way from class to class. It was a repeat of the last four nights, James having to listen to his mom crying through the walls and his heart breaking just a little more each time it happened. If he there was someone he hated more than his dad right now, James had no clue because he wanted nothing more than to punch the man whom he was the spitting image of straight in the face.

Today he didn't take his emotions out on his friends. Instead he acted like his normal self, making a few more gay jokes than necessary but at least it kept everyone laughing, although Logan seemed to laugh a little more than usual, which caught to James' attention.

When the end of the day came along James made his way towards the music room, not surprised in the slightest to find Kendall already there and waiting for him, this time with a sleek violin tucked under his chin. "You've gotta be kidding me." James said to himself as he walked in on the blonde perfecting yet another instrument. First the piano and now the violin…what else was Kendall a master at?

Noticing James' arrival Kendall put away the instrument and moved to sit at a desk, waiting for James to come and sit beside him. Once there James pulled out a piece of paper and began writing out a list of things they needed to do and ideas they could come up with for their performance. At the top was written, _I'll sing, obviously_. Kendall rolled his eyes at that one but nodded his head while pulling out his phone.

_You sing?_

James smiled when he received the text. _All the time._ Just thinking about singing had James humming under his breath along to a melody in his head. He kept to the tune as he finished writing out the list on the paper, only stopping himself once he realized just exactly what he was humming. He was humming Kendall's song. "Dammit." A text pulled him from his thoughts.

_So you can sing…are you any good?_

Another smug smile. _I'm the best_. The list was now finished as he shoved it over to Kendall, watching as the blonde's green eyes swept over the paper, reading everything James had written in his curly handwriting. James shot him another text. _Sound good?_

Giving him a smirk Kendall answered back, _A little full of yourself huh?_

That had James laughing, the blonde knew him already and they'd barely spent any time together. _Well I can't look this delicious and not raise attention to myself._

Now Kendall was laughing too, or at least James thought he was? Maybe, James wasn't completely convinced. No sound came out of the blonde's mouth as he threw his head back with silent laughter. The sight had James' fingers working in overtime as he typed up another quick message and sent it Kendall's way. _So, can you like talk?_

Opening the message and reading it Kendall shook his head. _Can you make any noise, at all?_ James asked. Again he was answered with a 'no'. Cocking his head to the side James gave Kendall a curious look as he sized him up. It was hard to believe the blonde couldn't make a sound. _Have you ever tried?_

This time Kendall answered with a text. _Why would I?_

James shrugged. _I don't know, if I were deaf I would find a way to make myself heard._

Kendall was shaking his head profusely now, back and forth so fast his blonde hair was whipping in a blur around his face. _Don't, don't even try to say what you'd do if you were in my shoes. You have no idea what it's like._

James had no response for that besides a lump of guilt that resided in his stomach. He couldn't possibly imagine what it would be like to be without the ability to hear for a day, let alone a lifetime. Kendall was right, and James had overstepped the line there. _I'm sorry._

There went the blonde's fingers again, flying over the Nokia keyboard and wow was that an old phone or what? He didn't even have a full out keyboard, just a number pad. James was tsk-tsking just at the sight. _I don't need your sympathy._

James eyebrows shot up at that message. He was just apologizing for what he said, in no way was he actually sympathetic towards the kid. How could he if he still couldn't stand being around him for longer than ten minutes? _I was just apologizing. No need to bite my head off._

Kendall was laughing again. _LOL. A head like yours is too big to bite_. And okay, so maybe James was thinking a little with the wrong side of his brain but something about what Kendall sent him had James picturing them in a different, more compromising setting and Kendall wasn't exactly talking about the head he thought he was.

_Mmhm okay then._

Another text from Kendall. _So are we actually going to practice, or is this list all you had planned for today? _Kendall was already starting to scoop up things before something caught his eye. Reaching forward James pulled a piece of paper out from the pile beside the blonde and took a look at the sheet of paper with music notes scribbled all along the margins and in between the words on the page.

"_What's this?_ "James mouthed, hoping the blonde could read lips because he wasn't in the mood to grab his phone and give the blonde the chance to tuck the page away.

Kendall's cheeks reddened at the question. Picking up his phone he answered James. _It's nothing really, just give it back._ James shook his head back and forth and held the paper out of Kendall's reach.

"_You write music too?"_ He mouthed again. Kendall gave him a shy nod and in a way it was almost…cute? _Ha_, James pushed that thought far from his mind. There was nothing cute about Kendall. Lifting the piece of paper up to his mouth James held it between his lips as he texted Kendall a quick request. _Will you play it for me?_

After reading James' message Kendall set his phone back on the table and stood up. James stood up too, not missing the way Kendall would curl and uncurl his fists at his side before shaking his head and mouthing, "_No._"

James pouted. "Why not?" he breathed, actually making a sound as he hoped Kendall could tell what he said.

Kendall pointed to James' phone, then pointed to his own before picking it back up and answering. _I don't perform my own music. It's for me, and me only. _

"_But-_" James was starting before Kendall cut him off by placing a hand over the pretty boy's mouth.

"_Never."_ His shoulders fell in a slump as he gave into Kendall. Whatever, it's not like he wanted to listen that badly. It's not like he'd been waiting to hear the blonde play the piano again since yesterday. It's not as if the tune from yesterday had played in his mind all night long the night before, eventually helping James fall to sleep. Nope, that didn't happen at all.

"_Whatever." _ James mumbled, knowing Kendall read him perfectly. Grabbing his bag and the list of their plans off of the table, the brunette turned away from Kendall and walked right out the door. Practice was over.

Once James was in his car and ready to go home his phone went off in his pocket. Groaning he pulled it out and opened up the message. _You walked out on me again._ Rolling his eyes and empty of a reply, James tossed his phone onto the passenger seat and set off for home, doing everything he could to get Kendall's cute (not that James would ever admit it) shy face out of his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: I'm strangely proud of this part I guess? I don't know I'm not too sure, but the story is finally forming so that's good! I hope everyone is still enjoying this as much as I do writing it. The reviews and follows are great too, you guys are probably the best people in the world!

* * *

His phone was still beside him as James sat in his car in the middle of his driveway, Kendall's text being the last thing he'd read. There was nothing that pushed him towards going inside. Instead he stayed in his car, maybe for a half hour or more. Who really knew, he wasn't keeping track either way.

He just didn't want to move, he didn't want to speak. He just felt tired and a little confused. If he went inside he'd have his mom to deal with, and lately she was no ray of sunshine. It seemed as though she'd been doing what she could to make his life a living hell the past two days, but it was all part of the process. Soon she'd be back to crying like before, and James didn't want to be around to witness it.

He busied himself with simple nothingness. James fiddled with the radio dial, turning to an oldies station while he let the music wash over him. For a while he just got lost in the sound, and the worries of his mom and his dad and school and the competition were forgotten. That was until the radio shut itself off. Once that happened James worked his fingers over the air conditioning ducts and adjusted their angles. He even bothered with the controls to move around his mirrors, before setting them back in the same position they had been before. Being bored was totally boring.

Just as he was fetching his notebook from his bag, his phone woke him from his funk, loud and blaring as his ringer sounded. A look to the caller ID had James rolling his eye before answering. "Wrong number."

"_Shut up. I need your help."_

An eyebrow rose. "Logan Mitchell, boy genius needs my help?" He could only guess Logan could hear the smirk that rested on his lips.

"_James…_"

James made himself a little more comfortable in the driver's seat, Logan needing him excited him a bit. "Well, I'm pretty busy doing a shit load of nothing. What do you need?"

The next words that flowed through the receiver had James pulling the phone away from his ear in blatant shock. "_How do you go about asking a guy out?_"

A chuckle formed in the back of his throat. "Logie, are you exploring your gay side?"

A muffled exhale of annoyance could be heard over the phone from Logan's end. "_I knew you'd react like this._"

James fumbled with the hem of his shirt between his forefinger and his thumb as he gave a response. "Aw, don't be a baby. I've always told you, cock is the way to go. It's so juicy and sweet and seriously girls? They are so boring and dramatic and I'm way too pretty for them."

"_James we aren't talking about you, we're talk about me."_

"Oh sorry, I just can't believe it Logie. You want the d!" James was way too chipper about the whole ordeal.

"_Oh my god just stop."_ Logan paused to take a deep breath. _"How do I get the d?_"

James smiled. "Go on a date. Try it out. See what you can stand. If you happen to like swapping spit with a guy, I'm pretty sure you're gay."

"_But I've only ever had Camille, and I liked kissing her. Ugh why can't romance be science based? Maybe then I'd actually understand it!"_

"Maybe you roll both ways. It's not that uncommon, plus it'd make it pretty easy for you to get a girl. For some reason chicks get off on gayness. It's weird."

"_I just, but there's a guy I actually like. He's so sweet James and I don't know how to approach him. This is completely new territory and I don't think I can just blatantly ask him out. I'm like 99 percent sure he's not gay._"

"Test the waters and don't make it seem like a date. Make it more of an outing. Take someone along with you." James licked his lips. "Who knows you could turn it into a threesome."

"_James. I'm serious. Could you help me? Maybe come along with us or something...to the movies? Is that too dorky for a date? Too old fashioned? We could go bowling! Would you go bowling? I know you don't like wearing other people's shoes but it could work. And of course you'd have to bring a 'date' along too…"_ Logan just sort of dropped off at the last comment. A date? Who the hell was James going to bring? Surely he had his plethora of admirers, but James didn't like dating. It was too personal for him. But a good fuck? That he'd take any day.

"Logan you know I don't date. And bowling is for middle aged men who need an excuse to get out of the house and away from their nagging wives. The movies are a much better choice." James waited for a response and got nothing. He chewed on his lip, until it occurred to him, the most important question of all. "Wait. Who's the lucky guy? Who's dick do you wanna get to sucking?"

A sigh was heard on the line. _"Do you always have to be so vulgar?_"

James thought for moment, tapping his chin in wonder. "Yup. Pretty much. But you wouldn't love me if I wasn't."

"_Yeah sure. But I don't want to tell you, okay? Just find a date for…Friday night? How does that sound? Please James I really need you right now._"

"Fine." James grumbled. "But am I helping you because you want to get laid, or because you actually feel something for this guy?"

"_I'm pretty sure I've always liked him, I just never really understood my feelings until now. I just don't want him to hate me forever for it._"

"Logie if he doesn't feel the same way about you, then he's not worth it. And…" James really regretted saying this. "I'll find a date."

"_Yes. Thank you! Thank you so much! I'll do your math homework for the next week._"

"Logan Mitchell!" James feigned a shocked gasp. "Valedictorians aren't supposed to cheat. What about your permanent record?"

"_Harvard will never find out. Okay we'll talk about this more tomorrow. I gotta go. My mom needs my help with dinner." _Shit, was it dinner time already? Exactly how long had James been sitting in his car forgetting about the world?

"Bye dick licker." James hung up the phone, chuckling to himself. Figuring it was time to face his mom he grabbed his bag and locked the car behind him as he stumbled into the house. "Mom?" James called. Dropping his stuff by the door he wandered down the hall until he reached the kitchen. He found her with her back facing him, making dinner. "Hi Mom."

Quickly, she reached up to wipe her eyes before balling up the hand towel she was using and tossed it onto the counter. When she turned to him, her eyes were rimmed with red, with black streaks lining down her face. "Sweetie, you're home! How was school? How was practice with that…what's his name again?"

"Kendall, and the practice was terrible. We got absolutely nothing done. Working with him is like working with a monkey, except I bet you anything a monkey would at least talk back at you."

"But I thought you were warming up to him?"

James walked over to his mom and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm trying. Just like you need to do. You've been crying."

"Yeah, well the invitation came in the mail today. I've been crying ever since."

"Oh Mom. Go sit down I'll make dinner, okay?"

"I'm pretty sure I burnt the noodles. Just order a take out from somewhere. Whatever you're in the mood for. I'm going to go watch TV…or something."

Even though James knew his mother strayed away from unhealthy food, he tried it anyway. "How about pizza?" He asked her just as she was rounding the corner.

"Carbs sound fantastic. With everything on it." James smiled, but this just meant his mom was really out of it to agree to this. He called up the local pizza place and placed an order. According to the guy it'd be at their house within a half hour.

As he waited for the delivery boy to arrive, James joined his mom in the den. When he saw her she was cuddling herself with a blanket wrapped tight around her with an old sitcom on TV. "Oh sweetie," at the sound of her voice so fragile and broken, James was by her side in seconds. He held her to his chest while she cried an endless amount of tears into the front of his shirt.

"You know crying over Dad isn't going to make you feel any better, and it's not going to make him any less of an asshole."

She sniffled, breaking away from his embrace for only a moment to blow her nose. "Jamie, don't make the same mistake I did. I don't want you ever to feel like this. When you find someone that can put up with you, whether it be a boy or a girl, hold onto them and never let them go. That's the best kind of love and I lost it."

James rolled his eyes at the mention of a girl. She knew he batted for the same team but it didn't stop her from hoping he'd bring her grandchildren someday. "Mom, love is for schmucks. And when I do find that _boy _that makes me feel all those things they say exist in movies, then I'll try to keep him close."

"Good. Don't pull a Brooke Diamond."

"I've never even considered it. But Mom, Dad's only been gone a week, and what he's already remarrying that twenty-something bimbo? There's no way their relationship will even last six months. Plus he'll realize she's some anyone prissy bitch and come crawling back to you, even if you can be a little over controlling at times."

"I'm only controlling because I want what's best for everybody. But I almost wish you were right about him."

James rose an eyebrow. "Would you take him back if that happened? I mean I know he cheated, but you still love him, I can tell Mom."

She nodded, another tear sliding down her cheek. "You probably think I'm an idiot, but I do. Maybe I just pushed him too far, I mean hell I'd cheat on me if I were him. I'd leave me for someone prettier and younger. I just did everything wrong. I wanted to create this ideal family and that backfired. Now your father resents me, you can't stand me-" James was about to interrupt but Brooke held up a hand to stop him. "Don't even try to deny it alright? I'm cranky and I place too much emphasis on my work, but I promise you James, things will be different. I barely have a year left until you're off chasing your dreams, and then it will be just me."

James pulled her in for a hug. "And when that time comes, I'll buy you a cat."

Brooke laughed, smiling slightly even when the motion didn't meet her eyes. "I can't wait." The sarcasm was dripping from her voice as James laughed heartily along with her.

"You know everything will be okay, right?" James asked.

"Yeah, I hope so. When did you become so…positive?"

James wasn't really sure how to answer that, because the answer baffled him himself. "I have no clue, but I can still be a pessimistic asshole when I wanna be." The doorbell rang.

"Sweetie, take my purse and answer the door."

James stood up and walked down the hall while grabbing Brooke's purse from the coffee table. Upon opening the door he cursed. "Fuck. I forgot you work at the Pizza Parlor."

"Yeah, I saw your address on this delivery and I kind of dibs'd it." Jett, the pizza boy shrugged as he stood there on James' doorstep with half a smile on his face.

"Why?"

"Because I miss you." His eyes raked over James' body once while unconsciously licking his lips.

"You miss my cock." James gritted, grabbing the pizza from Jett and setting it on the table beside the door. Jett was the main reason why James didn't trust many people. He was his first _real _boyfriend, until James caught him lip-locked with another guy in the janitor's closet at work.

Jett shrugged. "Well yeah, but I miss other things too." James waited, tapping his foot against the linoleum for Jett to elaborate. "Like your laugh and your smile."

James eyes lit up. "Really?" A fake smile was plastered to his face. "Too bad I don't give a shit." After handing Jett the money for the pizza, he slammed the door in the boy's shocked face before returning to his mom. "Remind me to never order from the Pizza Parlor again."

"Why not?"

"Jett." The word was toxic slipping from James' lips. Groaning he placed the pizza box on the coffee table and fetched some paper plates from the kitchen, along with a glass of pop for him and wine for his mom. He was pretty sure she needed the buzz at the moment.

Together they watched TV and ate pizza, something James never thought would ever happen. Eating anywhere other than the kitchen was normally one of the seven deadly sins to his mom, but tonight she didn't really give a shit. And the fact that she was indulging herself in cheesy goodness really made James earn some respect for the woman.

A few more slices of pizza and about six more glasses of wine later Brooke was conked out on the couch. Shaking his head with a smile, James situated her so that she was lying across the couch with a blanket covering her. "Good night Mom." He whispered, turning off the TV and heading up to his own bed to fall asleep in.

* * *

The next day James could barely hold Logan off as the brunette clung to him with questions about his sexuality. "How did you know you liked boys instead of girls?"

James sighed. "I don't know, I just never felt anything with girls."

"Ugh, what if I don't feel anything with this guy? James I really like him but what if it's just some lingering thought in the back of my head that's making me like him instead of me actually liking him? Oh my god I sound like a Freudian."

"Logan, breathe." James waited as Logan took a moment to calm down. "Better now?"

Logan nodded. "Yeah, this whole ordeal is giving me angina."

"Whatever that is…just _try it out._ Who is this guy anyway? You might as well tell me now because either way I'm going to find out tomorrow."

Shaking his head Logan shot James down. "I'll tell you who, when you let me know if you've found a date. Has anyone crossed your mind at all?"

James drew a blank, scratching the back of his head while shaking the hair out of his eyes. "Nope."

"James you only have a day and I need you there!"

"Calm your balls I'll find a guy. I mean no one can resist me, I'm beautiful. If I have to call up Dak or something last minute I will. I'd almost rather bring Dak because he won't expect anything from me and I sure as hell don't expect anything from him."

"Why don't you try dating someone you actually enjoy being around?"

James shrugged. "Because the only two people I can tolerate are you and Carlos and well, you're hopelessly in love with some guy, and Carlos is about as straight as a ruler." He didn't miss the way Logan's face fell in disappointment at the mention of Carlos' name. "Then again I have a terrible sense of gaydar."

"Did you ever think I would be gay?"

"Nah, because you really liked Camille when you had her. Yeah she annoyed the shit out of you, but you really liked her. Yet look at you now, having the hots for the dick. I love it."

"Why?"

"Logie, Logie, Logie, we're having a bonding moment here, don't ruin it by asking questions."

"Okay." He shut his mouth the closer they got to the cafeteria. And once Carlos met up with them at their usual table Logan was all smiles and giggles. James watched them with a careful gaze, he couldn't help but notice how Logan tried to touch Carlos in even the simplest of ways. _Oh boy, you've got it bad._ Then again, if anyone was a match made in heaven for Logan it was the Latino, and Carlos looked up to Logan as if he were his hero. If Carlos was gay (which James still doubted), Logan would be the first guy James would choose to be with him. They just fit so well together, it kind of shocked James that he didn't realize it sooner.

Lunch was boring and the rest of the day was even worse. Study hall was a joke as James played games on his phone the whole time. When it was time to meet up with Kendall for practice, the brunette was in sort of a bitchy mood, and who better to take it out on than the blonde?

As always Kendall was patiently waiting for James at a desk in the music room. Just as he entered, Mrs. Wainwright was leaving. Courteous as he was, James held the door open for her and wished her a good day. He was such a suck up when he wanted to be.

Sauntering over to Kendall, James placed his hands on his shoulders and squeezed. The blonde looked up from his sheet music and turned around to smile at the brunette. He shot him a wave and motioned for him to take a seat, before sliding a note over to him.

_I want you to sing today._

James chuckled, unable to hold it back. Why would he sing if Kendall couldn't hear him? Of course James never minded an audience, but what was the use? Although it did give him an excuse to stretch out his vocal cords, but still, he was confused. _Why?_ He asked, giving the note back to Kendall.

The response was quick, as if Kendall knew James would ask. _I wanna know if you suck or not_.

_What's the point? How would you know if I suck or not?_

Kendall shrugged his shoulders as he read James' chicken scratch handwriting. _Don't underestimate me. Now sing_.

Standing up, Kendall pulled James to his feet and walked them over to the sound booth at the back of the music room. Closing the door behind him, Kendall stood so close to James that the brunette could just barely feel the sting of his breath on his neck. All James wanted to say was, "Dude, personal space," but with Kendall he couldn't exactly do that now could he.

James looked to Kendall for any signs of when he should start. The blonde nodded his head as if reading James' mind. Taking a deep breath James started to sing one of his favorite songs, an oldie he knew from start to finish. Halfway through the first verse he felt Kendall press his fingers to his throat, causing James to jump back in shock. Whipping out his phone he texted Kendall, _What are you doing?_

Kendall opened up his phone at the sight of James' extracting his. He was ready for the message when it came, quick fingers already forming a response. _Getting a feel for your voice._

James sighed. _That doesn't mean you have to touch me._

_I'm just trying to figure out if you're as good as you say you are. Just let me do this okay?_

Thinking about it for a moment, James finally decided it wasn't hurting either of them for Kendall to try this. Tucking his phone away he caught Kendall's gaze and nodded, mouthing "_okay_."

He began singing right where he left off. He snapped his fingers along to keep the melody while unconsciously tapping his foot. When Kendall reached up and brushed his fingertips against his throat he was ready. The touch was gentle and cautious and nothing but Kendall. James sang on, watching Kendall's face for any sign of whether or not the blonde deemed him exceptional enough to work with. Then again it wasn't as though he was hearing what James was hearing. And if you asked James, he was the most exceptional thing the world had to offer.

As James belted out the last note, long and without falter, Kendall stepped back and watched him. James was in his element. After, he pulled out his phone and asked Kendall what he thought. By the time his fingers were done tapping away he looked up to find Kendall smiling, with a soft gleam in his green eyes. He was also shaking his hands back and forth in some type of spastic motion but James didn't really know what that meant.

Once he got Kendall's response James checked his phone right away. _You're beautiful…your voice that is._

James didn't really know what to say. He was at a loss for words, and for James that was a rare occurrence. Instead he looked up from his screen to Kendall and thanked him before sending him a message. _But how can you tell? I mean I know I'm great, just how do you know?_

The reply was quick. _You have a passion for singing, that's enough in itself to know you must be great. But the control you have over your voice and the ranges you can reach…it's phenomenal. I just know these things, and I've never been wrong before_.

Okay, so maybe Kendall wasn't that bad, but it didn't help that James loved being showered in compliments. He was used to it, but coming from Kendall it meant a little more to him. Even if the blonde couldn't hear him, he knew. He had an instinct when it came to music, and James trusted him.

Practice felt like it flew by quicker than the day before, even though they spent a good hour or so longer together. Kendall requested a few more songs for James to sing, and just stood there watching him. He didn't bother with pressing his fingers to his throat, instead he just watched James in all his glory, and James ate up being the star. He even sang an original he wrote a while back, something he never shared with anyone before, but even Kendall wouldn't know that, because he couldn't tell the difference either way.

By the time they were done for the day, James offered Kendall a ride home, surprising both the blonde and himself. Accepting James' offer Kendall joined him in the front seat of the car, first writing directions down on a sheet of paper so that James knew where to go. In order for James to feel less awkward, he turned the radio up a little louder than usual on the way. The silence when he was around Kendall was almost deafening and James needed some sort of distraction from the blonde who just kept his face to the window as he watched the trees blur by.

Once at Kendall's place James whistled. How could Kendall and his family even fit in the house? It was so small, or at least that's how it looked from the outside. But James just had to remember that not everyone had a mom who ran a successful business.

He waited for Kendall to reach the door before driving away. Instead of going home he stopped by Logan's hoping the boy would keep his promise on doing his math homework for the rest of the week.

Up in Logan's room James explained to Logan everything that happened that day with Kendall and practice. Logan nodded as he worked out the trigonometry problems James handed him. "Did you ever think of asking Kendall to the movies?"

James gave Logan an incredulous look. "No. Why would I?"

Logan shrugged absentmindedly, his tongue poking out between his lips as he did the math. "Well I mean you guys are friends now right? And with him it wouldn't be a date, because it's not like you actually like him. It'd be a great way for you guys to hang out more, and plus I don't think he has many friends. He'd probably enjoy going out with us."

"But going to the movies would be a total waste because he can't hear a thing."

"It was a just a suggestion okay, you don't have to bite my head off for it."

James didn't say anything as Logan continued to work. He pulled his phone out from his pocket as he hovered his thumb over Kendall's contact information. Would he do it? Would he really ask Kendall to go with him to the movies, even if it was meant in a totally platonic fashion? Even more, would the blonde agree to it? If anything he'd probably be offended at being asked such a ridiculous request. James shook his head. He wouldn't do it.

Yet the opportunity was still there, lingering in the back of his mind even when he got back home that evening. He laid sprawled across his bed with his phone in his lap and his headphones over his ears. He and Kendall had been texting each other for a while since he'd made it home from Logan's. Even if he wasn't going to ask the kid out, he could still talk to him right?'

The thing about Kendall though, was that James enjoyed talking to him. For a deaf kid he was pretty funny, and he swore too, which was a plus for James because fuck did he love his curse words. James was even telling Kendall about himself and opening up. That was weird.

At the moment they were discussing Logan, because James seemed to like to talk about him a lot. He mentioned how Logan was finally accepting his inner gay side and going out on a date with a guy the following night. James didn't fail to mention that guy was Carlos.

Kendall's response: _Wait seriously? They are just now going out? I thought they were butt fuck buddies for years._

James was actually cackling at that one. He laughed so hard his stomach hurt. But James guessed when you're deaf your other senses are heightened, so Kendall must be one hell of an observer. _Nahh, why would you think that?_

Kendall: _Just the way they act around each other. I just figured as much, I just wasn't totally sure if they…rolled that way so to speak_._ Not like you at least._

James smirked. _Oh, and what about me?_

Kendall: _You are totally Kinsey six gay. It kind of just radiates off you in waves. With the other two it's more subtle, but it's there._

Now James really couldn't argue with that, because it was true. He thirsted for the d about as much as a straight man thirsted for a good fucking, and James was if not, even hornier. _Well I don't hide it._

Kendall: _No shit Sherlock. But gay works on you._

An eyebrow quirked up towards the ceiling. _It does? How so?_

Kendall: _Everyone wants you dude. You're like…really pretty. I mean I'm pretty sure you even have some of the straightest jocks at Palmwoods questioning their sexuality. You just carry yourself in a way that says, "I'm hot, and I'm not taking anybody's shit."_

James was really learning to respect this kid. It was kind of scaring him how much he was smiling every time he felt his phone go off signaling another message for the blonde. _Have I ever made __**you**__ question yourself?_

Kendall: _Nope. I know exactly what I am. You haven't affected my sexuality in the slightest._

Well that got James wondering. Was Kendall gay or straight? He only assumed the latter, because he figured girls were probably sweeter to the blonde, and well why wouldn't he be straight? _Uhh, probably because sucking dick is awesome_, James only knew that from personal experience. As he considered a response, James fumbled with his thumbs over the keys. _Would you wanna go to the movies with me tomorrow night? Logan and Carlos will be there too._

As soon as the message was sent James was wishing he could just take it all back, because what the fuck was he doing, asking Kendall out like that? But it wasn't as if he was really asking Kendall out. He just needed someone with him for Logan's sake. He didn't actually want to date Kendall, that would just make things too complicated, and like it was mentioned before, James didn't date.

Kendall: _Like a date..?_

James was shaking his head as soon as he got the message. Dammit. _No, Logan just needs me there with him tomorrow so he can 'put the moves' on Carlos, and he told me to bring someone along. It's definitely not a date. I don't date, and you're totally not my type, sorry._

James felt like he was waiting forever for a response. He was pretty sure his heart stopped beating when his phone vibrated against his thigh. _Lol. You're not my type either James, it's cool. Plus there's a movie I've been wanting to see…_

Wait, so Kendall actually went to the movies…like a normal person? Wow, James was kind of shocked. What was there for a deaf kid to do at the movies besides sit and watch? That had to be the most boring thing in the world. _Great, sounds good and totally non-date-ish. We'll talk about it tomorrow during practice?_

Kendall: _Sounds good to me. See you then._

James let the conversation end there, still staring at his phone resting on his leg. Taking a good moment to let everything sink in, James sat back and relaxed. It turned out Kendall was actually pretty cool, you know, for a guy who couldn't hear or talk for shit. And they were going to the movies tomorrow, on a total non-date just to make Logan happy. The only problem was, why couldn't James even take second to stop thinking about him? If anyone asked, Kendall's face was absolutely _not_ the last thing he saw before he fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Fast update because I'm excited! Okay that's basically all I have to say thank you for reading I love you all the next time I update will probably be a few days because I've got to finish the Thirteenth Hour. I really hope you enjoy this part! I can't wait for the next one.

* * *

Logan never really told James how it went with Carlos. Then again James never asked, because Logan still thought James had no idea who the secret guy was that had Logan's jeans tightening at every touch and whisper shared between the two.

Before James had come over for Logan to do his homework, Logan had been at school in the dance studio on the third floor. Why Carlos had decided on them creating a dance number for the showcase at the end of the year, he had no clue. Logan wasn't exactly the best dancer, his footing wasn't too strong and he lacked the rhythm and grace that radiated through most dancers bodies. He didn't have the elegance or the poise, albeit he could do one hell of a backflip.

"Carlos this is pointless. We're never going to win this stupid competition with us dancing."

Carlos turned away from the barre where his hands had been resting while he stretched, his legs nimble as Logan watched him get ready for practice. "You have to learn to have faith in yourself. You love dancing."

"Yeah, maybe when nobody's watching me. We should just sing like James."

Carlos gave him a look. "We can't even compete with James when he sings. He'll blow us so far out of the water we won't have a chance." Letting go of the barre he walked towards Logan and took hold of the taller boy's shoulders. "But if we dance, we can share ourselves with the audience in way that James can't. We just have to trust each other, and you have to trust me to come up with some damn good choreography."

Logan groaned. "How about you dance and I sing? That way we're incorporating both of our strengths to create something that we can both be proud of."

"No. For once we're going to do something my way. And you know what? We're going to win and everyone is going to cheer for _us, _not James, not Kendall, us. Because we deserve it. And you deserve the money because you're going to need it when you become some hot shot med student at Harvard." _I deserve it? Oh I am so in love._ "Dude, why do you even go to a music school if you want to be a doctor?"

Shrugging, Logan considered the question. "I think it was my parents' idea. I think they wanted me to try out as many different options as possible. For the longest time I've wanted to save lives, just like they do, but I think they wanted to make sure the dream of being a doctor was actually my dream, and not just me following in their footsteps."

"And what about now?"

"Well now they know I'd still choose to be a doctor, even if I love music."

"So how come you never transferred schools?"

Logan bit his lip. "Because I'd finally made some friends going here. Like James and you and yeah sure you both can be too much to handle sometimes, but I like spending everyday with you guys."

Carlos wiped away a fake tear. "How touching. Logan Mitchell really isn't always a jackass."

"Fuck you." _Yes just let me fuck you let me take you right here, right now up against the mirror and we can watch each other's expressions in the reflection of the glass as I pound into your beautiful ass just please. _If anyone asked Logan was not desperate for a taste of Carlos. Not even a little bit.

"Just get stretching so we can get to practicing, I want to try something today."

"Okay." Logan dropped to the floor and sat with his legs straight in front of him. He curled his body forward as he touched his toes with his forearms straight on the ground. He was fully aware of Carlos watching him from above.

"See, why wouldn't you want to dance if you're so limber and flexible?" _I can be flexible in other ways too. _Logan was mentally slapping himself. He really needed to stop hanging around with James because these thoughts should not be coursing through his mind while dancing with one of his best friends. Plus he didn't need a hard on while dressed in tights.

Getting to his feet Logan pirouetted a few times to get a feel for his balance while kinking his neck from side to side, loosening the tendons until he was ready. "Because at least while I'm singing there's no chance of me falling on my ass for the whole world to see."

"Logan…" The brunette turned to look at Carlos. "I'll be by your side the entire time. I'd catch you way before you had the chance to fall." Then Logan began picturing falling into Carlos' arms totally on accident but on purpose at the same time and in the moment the music would stop and the lights would dim and he'd reach up to touch Carlos' face and lean in for a kiss and…fuck he was hard. _Go away, just go away. Come on Logan think of something disgusting._

After a few moments of wishing his problem to go away it finally did, so that he could finally start dancing. Carlos put on some music and they danced together. He helped Logan perfect his movements in a graceful and non-Logan way. Once he was able to perform on his own they danced together, timing their actions so that they were in sync. By the time the two hours were up Logan's shirt stuck to his sweaty skin and his breathing was heavy and ragged and so was Carlos' and Logan couldn't help but imagine them in a totally different situation that involved them sweaty and out of breath.

"Well that was better than yesterday." Carlos turned off the stereo and started stripping of his dance clothes and back into his school attire. Logan meant to avert his gaze but instead he got lost in the tanned skin and lean muscles that lined the contours of Carlos' body. What he wouldn't give just to even lick the sweat off his salty skin, Logan didn't know.

"It was." There was silence as both boys changed, sticking their arms through the right holes in their shirts until finally they were both clad in jeans and t shirts that didn't reek of sweat. "Hey Los?"

"Yeah bud?"

"Would you want to go to the movies tomorrow with me? We could see that new animated movie you've been raving about." Silence deemed them both until Logan realized that sounded way too much like him asking Carlos out. "James is going to come too. Although I think he's bringing a date."

"James is going on a date? With who?"

Logan shrugged. "No clue. But would you want to go? You could keep me from being a third wheel. You'll even get a free large popcorn and ICEE out of it." So maybe he was offering to pay for the snacks and even the movie itself. He just really wanted Carlos to agree to it.

"Sure." Well it wasn't a gleeful yes that Logan was hoping for but just the simple syllable of the four letter word had Logan giddy with excitement. He was going to the movies with Carlos. True, they've gone to the movies before, but that was before the desire for the Latino consumed Logan to such an extent that he just needed a chance to be alone, or somewhat alone with him in a darkened theater eating popcorn with the chance of their fingers getting tangled in each other and it would give him a chance to rest his head on Carlos' shoulder and breathe him in. Logan was going to make a move.

* * *

James skipped practice with Kendall that Friday. Instead he helped Logan through a dilemma of "what to wear" or in Logan's case "what not to wear" which was basically every article of clothing in Logan's closet.

"We are so going to the mall." James insisted, tugging on Logan's arm as the smaller brunette was forcing his head back into his t shirt. "You can't wear any of that. You have to make Carlos want you, and the first step in being the object of someone's affection is to look the part. You have to look hot."

James dragged Logan to the mall despite Logan's many complaints and objections. "It's only Carlos I mean he sees me every day how is an outfit going to change the way he sees me." There was a pause. "Wait…how did you know it was Carlos I liked?"

Groaning James turned to give Logan a 'you've got to be kidding me look.' "Because you're terrible at hiding your attraction to him and Logan, wardrobe is everything. Why do you think I dress the way I do?"

"Because PMA enforces a dress code on all of us so that we express our individuality through art instead of what we wear?"

James shook his head. "That's not what I meant and you know it." Pulling up into a parking space James turned off the engine and hopped out. Logan never followed. He waited a few minutes for the boy to open the car door but he never did. Of course, James had to do everything by himself. Too lazy to unlock the car again James quickly pulled out his phone and called Logan.

"_Yeah man?"_

"If you're not out of the car in three seconds I will force your ass into a children's stroller and parade you around the mall." Logan was out faster than James could hang up the phone.

"I don't want to do this."

James ruffled Logan's hair and sighed. "Just let me help you out the best way that I can. Now let's go shopping."

They scoured store after store, defiled multiple clothing racks, left clothes off their hangers and caused a ruckus in every store. James and Logan shopping together was every retailer's nightmare. "Everyone's looking at us."

"Uhh, it's because we look good." They were dressed in some ridiculous black outfits with extremely tight pants and James couldn't help think that he was the hottest person to ever walk the face of the earth.

"Can't we just find me something to wear and leave? It's already…" Logan checked his watch. "Shit James it's already 5:30 and we're supposed to head to the movies at 8."

"Chill. There's only one more store left and it's the best."

"So basically everything else has just been for your own sick and twisted enjoyment?"

James shrugged, yet smirked. "Maybe. Plus I just like trying things on. Everything looks good on James Diamond."

Logan winced. "Can you please not refer to yourself in the third person?"

"I don't know, can I?"

"Ugh whatever." James grabbed Logan's arm without warning and pulled him into the last store. James pushed back hangers and rummaged through the clothing racks until he found a suitable outfit. He smiled, extracting it from the rack as he held the red button up for Logan to see.

"This…a loose tie, and that black cardigan of yours will have Carlos hopping on your dick right there in the theater."

"James, we're going to the movies. Isn't that a little too formal?"

"Just try it on." He shoved Logan into the nearest waiting room. As he changed, James tossed a pair of dark wash blue jeans over the door. "Put those on with it." He could hear Logan groaning on the other side of the door, but he was pleased when Logan finally walked out.

"So what do you think?"

The sleeves of the shirt were rolled up past Logan's elbows and the red really brought out the brown in Logan's eyes and the jeans really did some complimenting to the boy's ass. "You, my friend are positively mouth-watering." James licked his lips for added effect.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll buy it." Quickly he changed back into his old clothes and met James up at the register. After paying for his new attire they stopped for a big pretzel at the nearest stop, grabbed a smoothie and headed back out to the car.

"So next time we go shopping, which will be _soon_, we're going to renew your entire wardrobe."

Logan sucked on the straw of his smoothie. "Can we change the subject for a moment?"

James shrugged. "Sure, what do you want to talk about?"

"Kendall."

"What about him?" James tone didn't change as Logan brought up the blonde. Although his heart did beat a little faster at the sound of his name, but James did his best to ignore that.

"You decided to take my advice and ask him. Why?"

"He seemed like the best choice at the time. I mean, you're right. I need to learn how to be friends with him if we're going to work together and you know what he's actually pretty funny. And he's really talented and he's not afraid to call me a jerk when I'm acting like one and he's just…"

"Different?" Logan asked, finishing James' statement.

James nodded. "Yeah, he's different, but not in a bad way. He's different in a good way and he's full of surprises and just, you never really know what you're going to get with him. It's kind of refreshing actually."

"James," Logan said, his voice peaking in a way that had James averting his gaze from the road for a moment just to look at him. He raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"You like him, don't you? Oh my god you actually like Kendall."

Time for the defense. "No I don't. He's a friend. _Just_ a friend. I would never like a deaf-mute, especially one with blonde shaggy hair and disastrous eyebrows and a nose that is way too big for his face."

"Why can't you just accept the fact that you actually have feelings for someone?"

James gave Logan an annoyed look. "Maybe because those feelings don't exist? I don't like Kendall, Logan. Just shut up about it."

"You're being so feisty. I'm pretty sure that means you like him."

"Dammit Logan get out of my car." It barely even registered to Logan that they reached his house. "I don't like him."

"You know the more you deny it the more you like him. You must _really _like him." Logan chuckled as he stepped out of the car, James giving him a glare that stung like daggers. "See you in a few. On your _date._"

As James pulled out of Logan's driveway he rolled down his window to yell, "IT'S NOT A DATE!" James hated it when Logan got under his skin like that. Was James that transparent that Logan could see right through him? Then again, James didn't like Kendall so basically he just figured Logan was crazy for even thinking it was a possibility.

James spent the whole ride home telling himself he didn't like Kendall and that there was nothing cute about those abundance of eyebrows and that massive nose of his. Or those stupid dimples that showed so prominently on his cheeks. Or those eyes that glowed with so much hope. Or those lips that never spoke a single word, or that strong jawline of his that rarely moved. Nope. There was absolutely nothing about Kendall that attracted James to the blonde.

At home he ate a quick dinner with his mom, who was finally not crying. It was bad enough James could hear her sobbing herself to sleep the past two nights in a row. He was pretty sure she was all cried out. But it was a plus that she showed up for work that day, considering she hadn't been able to pull herself out of bed all week except for when James needed her. "So what are your plans for tonight?"

"Going to the movies with Logan, Carlos, and Kendall. Get this mom, Logan might be gay. Actually I'm pretty sure he's totally gay. Maybe not as gay as me, but he still definitely likes boys."

"And why do you think this?"

"Because he's planning on putting the moves on Carlos tonight. Turns out he has a crush on him, and he has for a while."

"Hmm…well Carlos would be good for Logan. They keep each other in check."

James nodded through bites of his salad. "Exactly what I'm thinking."

"Now what about Kendall? Are you and him-"

"Don't. Even. Go. There." James paused between each word just to make it clear he didn't want to talk about it. He had gotten enough shit from Logan that he didn't need his mom to add to it. "I don't like him."

"I wasn't going to say you did sweetie. I was just wondering if you were getting along better now." A miniscule smile formed on his lips, so small that Brooke wasn't even sure she witnessed it.

"Yeah, we are. He's not that bad of a guy, Mom."

"Good, well at least you're civil towards him now. That poor boy didn't deserve everything you said about him before."

"I know, I was wrong okay?" James hurriedly finished up the salad and drank up his milk. "I'm gonna go get ready now." He washed off his dish and dropped it in the dishwasher. "I have to be at Kendall's to pick him up at 7:30."

Up in his room James scrutinized himself in the mirror. All of a sudden he was feeling self-conscious about his clothes and the way his hair looked and was that lettuce stuck in his teeth? He groaned before waltzing off to the bathroom and brushing his teeth until they were pearly white and sparkly clean once more. "Much better." His reflection flashed him a rather dazzling smile. "Okay…time to find something to wear."

He tore his closet apart. Before his room was clean and now he wasn't even sure if he had a floor. How could he not have something good enough to wear? James didn't understand why he was trying so hard but he kept up the search as he pilfered through his drawers and deemed every shirt he owned not pretty enough to be worn by him. "Fuck." Back into the closet it was. He was knee deep in wrinkled shirts and dirty jeans as he scanned through his clothing options one last time. Finally he settled on the layered look, with a gray collared shirt underneath a purple sweater. Purple was definitely his color. After he fixed up his hair, making it hang over his eyes in just the right way before brushing his teeth one last time. By the time he was ready to leave it was already 7:25 and he was late. "Shit."

Even with him speeding he didn't reach Kendall's house until 7:40. When he found the blonde sitting on his porch with his elbows resting on his knees and his chin in his palm he felt bad. The headlights passed over Kendall's face as James pulled into the driveway and before James had the chance to put the car in park Kendall was already at the passenger door with a big, dimpled smile on his face. James' phone went off in his pocket. _Almost thought you forgot about me._

James read the message and looked over at Kendall, who was now already in the seat beside him and buckled up. Without responding James tucked his phone away and waved to Kendall. _How could I ever forget about him_? After the thought James had to keep himself from slamming his forehead against the steering wheel. He. Did. Not. Like. Kendall.

The music kept the ride entertaining as James drove off to the theater. As he drove he felt his phone buzz a few more times in his pockets. Noticing that Kendall did nothing but twiddle his thumbs he figured it was just Logan freaking out over Carlos. When his phone started actually reading James pulled it back out to answer, "What?"

"_Carlos is in the bathroom and I'm freaking out where are you and Kendall?_"

"We're almost there, calm down. I was late getting to his house I'm sorry."

"_Why were you late? Were you too busy worrying about your looks? Did you want to look good for Kendall because you __**like**__ him?_"

"No I didn't and for the last fucking time **no I don't like Kendall so shut the hell up.**"

"_Okay okay, whatever. I'll be able to tell once I see you anyways. Your outfit will tell all your secrets, just by how good you look._"

"Shut up." James hung up the phone before Logan could say anything else as he pulled into the theater complex. Once out of the car, James walked around and even opened the door for Kendall. After realizing what he did he instantly regretted it because that seemed too boyfriend-ish/date-ish for James to stand. Thankfully Kendall didn't seem to notice.

As they walked James dug out his phone to text Kendall. _So I'm pretty sure Carlos and Logan are going to see that new Disney movie. What do you want to see?_

James watched as Kendall thought for a moment. _Well there's this new French film out…_

He wanted to watch a foreign film? James couldn't believe it. Watching a movie with subtitles was just like reading a book only with lots of pictures. And while James enjoyed reading just as much as the next guy, he wanted to be able to enjoy a film and watch one that he could actually understand. _Seriously, a foreign film?_

Kendall's reply was quick, as always. _The subtitles make it easy for me to understand what's going on._

Damn. It would be pointless to take Kendall to the movies if he had no clue what was happening. At least if they saw the French film together they'd both be in the loop and would be able to laugh at all the funny parts. That would be if the French were funny, but weren't most French foreign films about sex? Oh James didn't need this. _Okay, we'll see it. But you're buying me popcorn._

Kendall shot James a smile. _Deal ;) _

James didn't see the point to the winky face but he overlooked it either way as it barely registered in his mind. When they entered the lobby to the theater they bought their tickets before locating Logan and Carlos near the snack counter. "Hey James! Ready to see the movie?"

"Yeah…we're not seeing the same thing as you guys."

Carlos pouted while Logan talked…wait, Logan could speak sign language…with Kendall. James watched with awe as Logan and Kendall gesticulated animatedly with smiles on both of their faces. The only thing James could hope was that Logan would keep his movements free of telling Logan that James liked Kendall. Because for the millionth time he didn't like him. "What are you guys seeing?"

"Some French thing I don't know, but it has subtitles and that way Kendall will be able to enjoy it too. Oh hey you're up next." Carlos nodded as he hopped up in line, ordering for him and Logan all the snacks and popcorn they wanted while Logan paused from his discussion with Kendall to pay. "Logan what are you telling him?"

"Nothing about you, I promise. We're talking about the showcase and the movie you are about to see. It sounds really interesting actually. Almost wish Carlos would let us see it."

"Dude, we're seeing the Disney movie, no buts." Logan shook his head but a smile was on his face while he did.

"Such a child I swear."

When it was James turn to order he turned to Logan. "Ask him what he wants to eat."

More gestures and blurring hands passed between the two before Logan turned to James. "Just a popcorn and a Cherry ICEE."

"Sounds good, but remind him that he's paying." Kendall already had the money out and ready for James to take before Logan even had to ask. "Thanks." James mumbled, but he knew Kendall could read his lips.

They all settled with their snacks and headed off to their different theaters right across the hall from each other. Every seat in the room was empty for James and Kendall's film. Shrugging, James led Kendall up towards the center. It was nice having the whole place to themselves.

James sprawled out over the seats and Kendall did the same. The popcorn sat between them, and since no one was there to yell at him James would throw the pieces up and catch them in his mouth. After watching him a few times Kendall began to do the same. Soon they were having a competition to see who could make the most pieces in their mouth in a row. Kendall won, and he sure as hell wasn't a modest winner at that. He rubbed it in James' face as much as he possibly could up until the movie started.

Surprisingly the movie wasn't too bad. It was dull, and the humor was European based but James still laughed and so did Kendall. The only awkward moments happened during the sex scenes. There were four of them. Every time it came on James averted his eyes because hetero sex did absolutely nothing for him. But he couldn't escape the moaning that he heard as it sounded from the speakers. "Shit." To distract himself he made a game out of tossing popcorn kernels at Kendall. The blonde didn't mind and soon enough Kendall was tossing them at James and landing them in his hair. Normally James would be pissed but Kendall was laughing and smiling at him and for once his hair was the least of his worries.

When the sex scenes finished they sat back down in the velvet seats. Kendall leaned a bit into James as they watched what was left of the film. Every inch of him that Kendall touched burned but in a good way and all James could do was tell himself to forget about it. He just needed to ignore Kendall even though that was impossible to do so with the blonde in such close proximity. Plus, and James hated to admit this, Kendall smelled _really_ good.

It was almost too soon for James' liking when the credits ended. As soon as they rolled down on the black screen Kendall pulled away from him and stood up to stretch. He even sent James a text. _We made a mess_.

With the lights now on James could see just exactly what Kendall meant. Popcorn was wedged between most of the seats in their row and it covered the floor. _Wow did we even eat any of it?_

Kendall shook his head, laughing slightly. _Barely, but it was fun though._

James smiled. _It was. Let's go find the guys._

Outside Carlos and Logan sat on a bench as they waited for Kendall and James to appear. "Hey Carlos go show Kendall that game you were telling me about." Logan nudged the Latino away.

"Okay…" Carlos tugged on Kendall to follow him even though the blonde didn't really know what was going on. He looked to Logan for any sign and Logan just simply waved him off. Once they were gone Logan was off chattering away about everything that happened.

"First off the movie was adorable. Carlos even cried at the end it was so precious. But James nothing happened. We just sat there the entire time and watched the movie and sure our hands brushed a few times in the popcorn bucket and maybe I sat with my legs open a little wider so that our knees would touch but that was all that happened."

James listened as Logan ranted. "Well what did you expect a full on hot make out session during a kids movie? Just make the move while you're in the car dropping him off."

"I don't know if I can."

"Logan, don't be such a pussy you can do it."

"Oh really? You think it's that easy just going ahead and taking risks and kissing one of your best friends who you're not even sure likes guys because I'm pretty sure that right there could ruin a friendship and James I can't lose him as a friend."

"Well then maybe you just have to wait until the time is right."

"Yeah sure, and when will that be?" The question was rhetorical but James never realized it so when he opened his mouth to speak Logan beat him to it. "How was your non-date?"

"We were the only two in the theater. We had a popcorn eating contest and then during the fuck scenes we threw popcorn at each other and then he kinda just, he like leaned into me up until the end of it."

"At least you got a lean! I got nothing."

"Yeah but I don't want _anything_." James argued, looking for a way out of this conversation before he started spewing off to Logan about how nice Kendall's hair smelled like fresh lilacs.

"Sure you don't. _Ugh_ I just want this night to be over with. Let's go find our boys and go home."

James tried to tell himself he didn't like the sound of 'our boys' but the more the phrase repeated in his head the more he grew to like it. He was even smiling goofily because of it back when they met up with the other two. Logan signed a few last things over to Kendall, things that had Kendall glancing in James' direction more than once but James was too busy paying attention to Carlos to notice.

"Hey Carlos…" James mumbled under his breath.

"Yeah James?" Carlos joined in the whispering.

"Would you ever consider…going out with a guy?"

"James Diamond are you coming onto me? I thought you liked Kendall."

"OH MY GOD I DON'T LIKE KENDALL DAMMIT!" James shouted just a little too loudly. Logan looked over and gave him a smirk and in that moment James was so thankful Kendall was deaf. "But seriously. Would you?"

"I don't know…I mean you're not really my type but I guess I would try it out if it means I get to kiss someone."

"So let me get this straight. You just want to kiss?"

"Yeah. It just looks like so much fun and you know I've never wrestled tongues with anyone before and I just want to try it and if I have to try it with a guy then I will."

"Even Logan?"

Carlos glanced over at Logan, who was fully immersed in a conversation with Kendall and too preoccupied with him to hear anything they were saying. "Why? Does Logan want to kiss me?"

James shrugged. "I don't know, I was just curious. Kendall just thinks you guys would be good together, we've talked about it before."

Well that gave Carlos something to mull over as Logan ended his discussion and popped back up by his side. "Ready to go Los?"

Carlos nodded. "Bye James." Logan waved to him and Kendall as he retreated with Carlos towards the back doors while James and Kendall were headed in the opposite direction.

They walked together back towards the car so close together that every few strides the back of their hands would brush together. James tried to ignore the urge he had to grab hold of Kendall's hand to the point where he was grateful they weren't parked so far away or else he would have given in sooner or later.

The way back to Kendall's house was spent with the radio on low. James just wanted a chance to think and clear his mind with the soft hum of the music in the background. He was beginning to think Logan was right and that maybe he did have a thing for Kendall and that maybe he did like it when they texted each other or when they touched. And maybe he loved his smile and his eyes and his eyebrows and his nose. Well…maybe not love, but he extremely liked them. He liked them a lot more than he should have.

Pulling up into Kendall's driveway James noticed a light still on in the front room of his house. He put the car in park and neither of them moved. Kendall did turn to look at James though, and James mirrored the action as he looked at Kendall.

They sat together side by side in the car, which had been idling for at least ten minutes. The hum of the engine couldn't pull James away from looking at Kendall. His gaze traveled over every feature, the too thick of eyebrows, the big, hooked nose, the rosy cheeks, the dazzling green eyes and the prominent chin. Last but not least his eyes landed on his lips, so pink and so full, although slightly chapped. He just couldn't stop looking at him.

Kendall stared back with just as much vigor. Half a smile was present on his lips as he watched James watching him, the silence between them so strong it was palpable. James pulled out his phone texting Kendall a short message. _I'm going to kiss you now_. Not even giving Kendall the chance to check his phone, James leaned forward, his breath getting lost in the air that hung between them as it mixed with Kendall's. There was a wall of everything that could possibly go wrong that rested between their lips. Breaking free of that worry and forgetting about the future and the showcase, James destroyed that wall. At the moment when their lips touched, James sighed with pleasure. Just the first touch was almost too much for James to handle as he pulled back to look Kendall in the eye, asking with no words if what he'd done was okay. First Kendall took the chance to check his phone. After he did Kendall lifted a hand up to James' cheek and stroked the heating skin with his fingertips and nodded, bringing their lips together once more.

It was a rush. No longer could James hear the hum of the engine or the whisper of the radio. All he could hear was his short breaths and Kendall's short breaths and the sound their lips made as they glided along each other. He could hear the sound of his heart thumping in his ears as he reached up to wrap a hand around Kendall's neck while his fingers tangled in the blonde locks that rested there. James poked his tongue out and dragged it across the seam of Kendall's lips. At first hesitant, Kendall soon gave in and complied, letting his jaw go slack and his lips part just for James to get a taste for him.

There was a hint of popcorn and cherry that rested on Kendall's tongue, but mostly James just tasted Kendall. It was a taste he couldn't even fathom describing because it was so sweet and pure and nothing like James ever tasted before. He craved it as he pulled Kendall closer over the center console while fisting the blonde locks a bit rougher and dug his tongue a bit further into the wet cavern of Kendall's mouth. He never wanted it to end.

Much to his dismay Kendall broke it up. He rested his forehead against James' and with closed eyes took a few deep breaths as James watched him. James waited for Kendall to open his eyes so he could get an idea of what the blonde was thinking but when the green eyes decided to show themselves James couldn't read a thing. There was nothing hidden in Kendall's gaze but secrets. Secrets that James wanted to take the time to unravel.

And it was all too soon when Kendall was pulling away from him with a hand on the door. But James would be damned if he let Kendall go so fast. He pressed a quick kiss to the blonde's nose that he now found cute instead of face deforming. And when he whispered "Goodbye," it was like the word got lost in the space between them because Kendall wasn't looking when it happened.

All James did was wait for Kendall to leave him. The blonde exited the car and walked up the steps. He didn't even look back before stepping over the threshold inside.

James took his time driving home. His mind was reeling about the kiss and Kendall's lips and how soft and plush they were against his own. He could just imagine the feel of them beneath his fingertips but all James wanted was to feel that kiss again. To taste that tongue that tasted of Kendall and nothing else. He just wanted to feel that breath mix with his and clutch that blonde hair in his hand. But sometimes James had to learn that you can't always get what you want.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Short chapter, sorry lads. I just wanted to end it where I did. More cargan will be in the next part. The song featured in The Writer by Ellie Goulding, it's basically my muse for this entire story. I hope this isn't too terrible, it's a little awkward. Warning that I didn't read through it which I know I'm going to regret because I am the queen of typos. But I'm tired and I just want to get this out there.

* * *

Six hours, thirty-seven crumpled up pieces of paper, and four big gulp coffees later and James still couldn't shut off his brain. He analyzed everything that happened that Friday night, through the car rides and the popcorn fights and the kiss. Man what a kiss that was too. Six hours later his lips still tingled and James could still vaguely taste Kendall on his tongue, though he knew that perk would soon be gone. He just never knew a kiss could affect him so much, especially coming from Kendall of all people.

James figured it safe to assume that he was the blonde's first kiss. When it came to Kendall the boy was as antisocial as a serial killer but he had his reasons to be. Before James no one ever took a chance to warm up to him, or at least that's what James as hoping, because from experience James knew a first kiss meant something, and that it couldn't be forgotten too easily.

This led to James wondering whether or not Kendall was acting just as he was. Maybe the blonde also stayed up all night lost deep in thought with nothing to do except think until his brain ached. Or maybe Kendall did what he did best and let out all his thoughts into his music and kept his family up half the night screaming words he'd never speak through obnoxious piano riffs. Just the thoughts had James pulling out his phone and staring at the screen of their previous texts. His thumbs itched to message the blonde, but he wanted Kendall to talk to him first, after all James was the last message sent. _I'm going to kiss you now_. And kiss him he did. He really hoped his lips would never stop tingling, because he loved the feeling.

_Fuck get a hold of yourself man_. James was losing it. He raked his fingers through his chestnut locks and sighed. He needed to get out of the house, maybe go for a walk. That was what he needed, a walk and another big gulp of coffee, and maybe someone to talk to, or just someone who could talk some sense into him.

It was half past five a.m. when he settled out into the breaking dawn. The sun peaked out over the horizon as James trudged down the sidewalk, adorned in a light jacket. His first pit stop was the Dunkin' Donuts on the corner, then off to Logan's house.

"Back again?" Of course the guy behind the counter knew him by now; it had been a long night of wakeful doze for James. He just nodded and made his way to the coffee machine, offering the guy a kind a smile as he did so. Once he was back at the counter his hand shook with jitters as he handed the man the money. "You should really just get some sleep."

"Sounds a lot easier than it is," James mumbled, taking his change. "Have a good one." He hoped he wouldn't be back for another coffee, because Logan would know what to do, he always did.

"You too." James left the store and set off for Logan's.

He figured the boy had to be awake. Logan usually made it his job to be up with the sun, as James always put it. Right now Logan was just the shoulder James needed and he was itching to find out about how the ride home ended up the night before. He could only be hopeful that it ended up the same, if not better than his own Friday night.

James knocked on the front door a few times before giving up and ringing the doorbell. At least Logan's parents were gone at work or he'd have felt bad if he woke them up. After about the fifth ring or so a disheveled Logan with groggy eyes and a head full of messy dark hair answered the door. "Go away," Logan mumbled through a yawn while making an attempt to close the door. James put his foot out just in time.

"Morning sleeping beauty, your prince has arrived now let me the fuck inside." His voice was higher than usual, but that didn't worry James much he just decided to blame the coffee for his high.

"You'd think a prince would be a bit less of an asshole at six in the morning." Logan grumbled, shutting the door behind James once he stepped inside. He immediately kicked off his shoes and wound his way down the hall and into the kitchen. Logan followed in his wake. "Why aren't you asleep like normal people on a Saturday morning?"

James looked up from his seat, where he had made himself comfortable at the island. "You're cranky."

"Yeah because you woke me up!" Logan moved to start up the coffee pot that resided next to the fridge.

"Dude aren't you always up this early?"

Logan gave him a look. "For school. Only weirdos are up at the crack of dawn on the weekends."

"Then fetch me a nametag and christen me weird because I haven't slept all night." Logan raised an eyebrow at James' choice of words and turned back to his coffee. James took a sip of his big gulp and sighed. "I think I'm going crazy."

"You mean more crazy than usual?" Logan leaned against the counter as he waited for his coffee to brew. James looked up at him with tired eyes and a weak smile.

"Pretty much, it's just…"

"Yeah you kissed Kendall, I know." James almost spit out his last sip of his big gulp. Logan was smirking down at him with a knowing gaze. "I knew you liked him. I knew it." The smart boy moved to pull a mug from the cupboard and poured himself a cup of coffee. James was searching for words he wanted to say but he couldn't find any. He knew if he spoke it'd come out a jumbled mess of slurs and letters. "Did you like kissing him?"

"How did you even find out?" Those were the few words James was able to choke out.

"Kendall told me. He gave me his number last night and we talked for a while." Logan shrugged his shoulders as if it were no big deal.

"You've talked to him since last night? What has he told you? Has he said anything about me? Of course he has you know about the kiss!" He was babbling, it was what he did when he got nervous. "Well the kiss meant nothing, it was stupid and I shouldn't have kissed him. It was just really stupid on my part." James paused. "What else has he told you about me?"

Logan looked away from James' anxious eyes and instead began tracing shapes into the marble countertops with his fingertips. "Nothing."

"Logan Mitchell you know something I don't now tell me before I bash your head into the wall."

Logan chuckled only slightly. "So feisty. You have it bad for him don't you?"

"I don't have it bad for him. He's just…he's just someone to talk to." Logan opened his mouth to speak but James stopped him. "Someone that isn't you, Logie."

"Whatever I'll let it go for now. But dude how could you not tell me you kissed him? That's a big deal!"

James rolled his eyes. "It's not _that_ big of a deal. It was just a kiss. It meant absolutely nothing to either of us."

Logan smirked. "Are you sure about that, because it doesn't seem like it."

"Dude. What do you know? Tell me already."

"You know, if it didn't mean anything, you wouldn't care what he may or may not have said. Which means that you care. You care a lot. Just give it up already James."

James chewed on his lip, teetering over the thoughts in his mind. He knew he should just admit it to Logan. Admit just how much Kendall had taken up almost every thought that circled in his head and how much he loved kissing him. James was pretty sure he could kiss Kendall forever, because that's what it would take. He wanted to memorize every curve and bump that made Kendall's lips so sweet and cautious and delectable all at once. He wanted to feel those lips on his jaw and neck, to feel them move over his skin, just ghosting over every inch of his body in such an intimate way that James wouldn't be able to describe with words. A kiss shouldn't have such an affect over someone. Maybe James was just high…high on Kendall.

"…ilikehim…" James mumbled, barely more audible than a whisper. Logan leaned forward, craning his neck while curving his hand around his ear for added effect.

"What was that? Sorry you're going to have to speak up."

"…i…like…him…" Still too quiet, but James knew Logan could hear him, the smaller boy was just milking him for everything he had.

"I'm sorry I'm having trouble hearing you, James."

"I like him dammit!" Logan gave him the 'I told you so' look. "Don't look so smug okay. And stop looking at me like that."

"James James James! When will you realize that I'm your best friend and that I can read you like an open book displayed for the world to see? You can't hide anything from me." _Really, because did you know my dad's remarrying some stupid chick and putting my mom through hell? Did you know I can't handle my emotions so I write everything I'm thinking about down because it helps me deal with the world? Did you know that I'm afraid of making a commitment because I always seem to fuck everything up?_ James knew he shouldn't be so hard on Logan. The guy was just trying to be his friend, and right now James needed one of those.

"So what do I do? He hasn't…we haven't talked since the incident." James stared at his phone blankly again, hoping that some magical force would trigger it to go off and that Kendall would miraculously message him. _Wishful Thinking: For Shits and Giggles_: a book by James Diamond. He could see it now.

"Honestly, don't do anything. Leave it be for now." Logan took a sip of his coffee. "So have you really not slept all night?" He was avoiding the subject. James could tell by the way he avoided making eye contact and the way he kept drumming his fingers on his thighs.

"Yeah I did. Now tell me all about Kendall. What'd he say about the kiss?"

"Come on James, don't you want to know about _my_ night? What happened with Carlos and everything?"

James' eyes gleamed. "Yes! What happened?"

"A big huge pile of absolutely nothing. Nada. I chickened out, I couldn't do it, I couldn't kiss him. And he kept looking at me and licking his lips but he had this cute little blush to his cheeks but I couldn't get myself to do it."

"Wow…he actually listened to me."

"What? What did you tell him? JAMES I'LL KILL YOU IF HE KNOWS!" It amused James to see Logan so worked up over barely anything at all.

"I just told him he needs to open up his options a bit…and maybe he thinks that you want to kiss him."

"You're luck you're my best friend or I'd deck you right now. How could you tell him that?"

James shrugged and put his hands up in defense. "He didn't shoot the idea down Logan. He actually considered it. I helped you out more than you can help yourself."

"…then why didn't he kiss me?"

"He was probably freaked out or something I don't know. Don't ask me questions I can't answer I don't share a brain with him."

"Yeah you're right. Maybe next time I see him I will."

James quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, and when is that?"

"We have dance practice Monday. Carlos really wants to win this thing. Although he may just want to beat you I'm not sure which he wants more."

"You two have nothing on me and Kendall…he's amazing Logan. He really is." James felt his face soften as his lips curved into a soft smile. Kendall really was amazing.

"I think you should watch it with him. Don't go overboard over Kendall. He's hesitant about you."

"Me? Why is he hesitant about me?"

"You just intimidate him. I don't know really he didn't explain too much because we didn't talk much about you. You know he wants to help me out with Carlos too?"

James nodded. "I know he does, he thinks you'd be cute together."

Logan squealed like a girl. "I know, isn't it wonderful. If only Carlos thought the same…"

Standing up from the stool at the island James walked around the counter and placed his hands on Logan's shoulders. "Give it time, young grasshopper." Logan laughed. "Could you do me a favor Logan?" James let his arms fall to his side.

"What?"

"Teach me how to talk to Kendall, the way you talked to him yesterday. I want to be able to communicate with him in a way to where he understands me." James couldn't believe what he was asking. Never in a million years did he think he'd want to learn sign language, but Kendall gave him a reason to.

"This really isn't a joke to you, is it?"

"For right now, I don't really know what it is. I just know that I want him to feel like he matters to me, because he does. Even if he doesn't want to kiss me again because I'm not his type or maybe he's not into guys that way, I just want to be his friend. At least let me be that much to him. Will you help me?"

James gave Logan the best puppy dog face he could muster, equipped with the pouty lips and pleading eyes. He even went to the lengths of clasping his hands out in front him, silently begging Logan with his eyes to help him out. "Alright alright I'll help you. Just stop giving me that look."

James stepped back from Logan and held his hand out for a shake. "Deal."

Logan smiled. "Now what do you want to know?"

Without giving himself a chance to pause or break or take a breath, James didn't miss a beat when he answered, "Everything."

* * *

James never knew how many gestures there were for so many words. All he basically knew before that Saturday afternoon was how to tell someone to fuck off without even having to open his mouth or utter a single word. But now at least he could attempt a simple conversation with Kendall. Sure it wouldn't be much, but he hoped it would be enough to show Kendall that he's actually trying, especially since he'd hung around Logan all weekend, watching him message Carlos and Kendall and everyone else while James just sort of sat around with an empty phone.

It turned out he scared Kendall, which he never meant to do. Truth be told the kiss scared him too. He never planned on kissing Kendall, but the moment just sort of happened and James got wrapped up in those green eyes and pink lips and suddenly all there was, was Kendall. It was hard to ignore it. And now, with them back in the music room that Tuesday afternoon, the desire to kiss Kendall again was excruciating.

When James walked into the room Kendall averted his eyes and turned his attention to the ivory keys that shone underneath the tips of his fingers. Of course James hadn't been expecting Kendall to sweep him off his feet, but he thought he deserved a hello at least.

He made his way over to Kendall and tapped delicately on the blonde's shoulder. Hesitant to turn his way Kendall cocked his head to the side and patted the bench beside him, inviting James to sit next him. Once James was in the blonde's line of vision he started up simple. "_How was your day today?_"

For a while, Kendall just kind of looked at James funny, wondering how he knew what to do and what to say. "_Good. When did you learn ASL?_" James gave Kendall a blank look. Don't blame him though, it was rough learning a new language, and Logan had only taught him the basics.

"_I'm sorry. I don't understand._" Kendall chuckled lightly and pulled out his phone.

Kendall: _It's the thought that counts I guess. So did Logan teach you?_ James read the message and smiled before nodding his head. _What else did you learn?_

James began spouting out a few phrases, along the lines of 'thank you' and 'you're welcome' and 'I like pie'. But one gesture had Kendall almost falling off the seat in amusement. James texted him. _What did I say? Am I doing something wrong?_

Kendall shook his head and laughed some more. Silent but cute as crinkles formed at the corners of his eyes he was smiling so wide. _You just said, "Cock is my favorite type of meat"._ Kendall was still a little giggly and James was fuming. He was going to get Logan for this one.

James eyes were wide as he stared at the text as he shook his head profusely back and forth, his chestnut bangs falling into his eyes. _No no no I didn't mean that. Ugh, nevermind._ Kendall noted the embarrassment that colored James' cheeks and reached out to touch his hand. "_It's okay_," he mouthed. But once he realized how close he was to James he instantly scooted a little farther away from him on the bench and cracked his fingers.

_Ready for practice?_

James nodded once again, just as Kendall held out the music sheet to him. James' eyes scanned the notes and smiled. It was a song he knew fairly well. Kendall mouthed to him while pressing the first key, "_Sing._"

When the time came for James to work magic with his vocal cords he found himself at a loss. He couldn't possibly compare to Kendall and the way his fingers swiftly tickled the ivories with notes of such perfection that James was sure had angels crying. Instead he kind of mouthed the words when Kendall looked at him, because Kendall wouldn't know the difference whether or not he was singing. James just didn't want to ruin such a beautiful moment, because his voice was nothing when it came to matching Kendall's talent.

Once the song was finished Kendall dove into another round of it, playing it with a deeper melody that sort of echoed around the room. It was darker than the first version, rather dreary but filled with such raw emotion that James almost wanted to cry because he liked to believe the song related to them in a way. As he mouthed the lyrics along to Kendall's playing he sort of tried ignoring the pang in his chest for the boy beside him to be able to witness the world in which James saw it. But he still wouldn't sing aloud. "_Why don't you be the artist / And make me out of clay? / Why don't you be the writer / And decide the words I say? /Cause I'd rather pretend / I'll still be there at the end / Only it's too hard to ask / Won't you try to help me?" _ By the end James had shed a single tear…and only one. Because that was all he wanted, was to help Kendall in ways he knew he'd never be able to.

James wiped the corner of his eye in hopes of being unnoticed. After he regained his composure he pulled out his phone. _Why that song?_

Kendall took a moment to answer. Instead he just sort of sat there, tapping his finger against the keys. He would look to James and look away, at least ten times within a minute. James began fidgeting in his seat as Kendall moved his hands to his own phone, typing out a message for James. When James read the text his heart stopped. Kendall had completely ignored the question, but instead the words stared back at him from the LCD screen. _You scare me, but I like it. And it feels weird being beside you. I don't know what I want from you. I don't know what you're doing to me, but there's one thing I need you to do._ (James had to scroll down because Kendall seemed to have pressed enter just a few million times). _Kiss me like I'm the only thing that matters._

James didn't need to be told twice. He stood up and grabbed Kendall's hands in his, pulling the blonde to his feet. He kicked back the piano bench and pushed Kendall against the sleek ivory keys as the room erupted in a fit of obnoxious, piercing screams of the strings being stretched as Kendall's body impacted the angry keys. The sound rang in James' ears as he held the blonde there, with a hand bracing Kendall's hips while the other wrapped around the back of the boy's neck gently, his thumb stroking along his jaw.

James leaned forward, his nose bumping along Kendall's just as his lips touched the other's. He pressed them together softly but firmly, pausing only to whisper words Kendall would never hear. "You are the only thing that matters."

His tongue slipped past the blonde's patiently waiting lips as he pushed Kendall so that he was fully bending over the head of the piano. His fingers raked through Kendall's hair while the blonde fisted James' shirt in his hands, holding James to him with everything he had. Their lips slipped along each other in a mix of clashing teeth, tangoing tongues, and silent moans that begged for more. A slight squeak erupted from Kendall, causing James to only hold him tighter still to his chest as he kissed him deeper. He was going to learn everything he could about those lips that never uttered a single word. He was going to find a way to make that mouth speak volumes as they continued to kiss and taste each other. It was just another language between him and Kendall, and James liked the fact that he was the only one to share this with the blonde.

He wasn't sure whether seconds or minutes or even hours passed as he held Kendall close and kissed him. At this point he didn't even care, as the adrenaline that pumped throughout his veins simmered and the kiss lightened to gradual pecks. James tickled his tongue along the roof of Kendall's mouth and the seam of his lips because there was something about him that James couldn't resist. When he finally pulled away he pressed a kiss to Kendall's button nose while he kept his eyes closed. He didn't want reality to set in. Not then, not ever, but he knew it'd have to eventually.

They rested together, still bent over the instrument as their foreheads leaned together, the tips of their noses touching. When James opened his eyes his gaze met the most beautiful shade of green he'd ever live to witness. James had a vice grip on Kendall as he refused to let him go, but when Kendall pushed James away, the brunette complied.

"_Thank you."_

James reached for his ever present phone. _At least tell me why?_

Kendall placed a kiss to James' forehead, then his nose, then lastly his lips, their mouths lingering longer than necessary together, yet neither boy wanted to pull away. "Kendall," James' whispered against his lips.

The blonde gave James a soft smile before stepping out of his embrace and silently walking out of the room. It wasn't until after the door shut behind Kendall that James heard his phone go off._ Not everything in this world comes with an explanation James. Sometimes we don't have a reason to want what we want. To answer your question, I don't know why. I just wanted to feel something real…and feel like I actually matter to someone, despite the other ways you make me feel._

James didn't know what else to say before repeating something of what he whispered before. _But what if you __**are **__the only thing that matters?_ James didn't know the answer to his question, and he guessed Kendall didn't either, because again he was left with no reply.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: so this took me way too long and I'm sorry about that. A little thing called Jesse McCartney happened and I've been distracted beyond belief. Also you'll notice in this chapter that I'm no longer using "blonde" but "blond" because I guess blond is to describe boys and blonde is for girls. Oops, oh well.

Anyway it was weird to write this because I just don't picture a very caring kames relationship, I picture something much hotter and heavier that involves fucking each other's brains out against a wall or something. But this story isn't meant to be like that so yeah…

Also I have no idea when I will update next, sorry. And if there are a lot of mistakes I'm sorry about that too because I tried editing as best I could but I tend to make a lot of mistakes. And if it seems choppy I took a lot of breaks between writing this. Basically I should just say sorry for everything.

* * *

"_So let me get this straight…_" Logan's voice was loud as it echoed through James' headphones. "_Fuck, James back me up over here!_" The little brunette's thoughts were temporarily forgotten when onscreen Logan was surrounded by zombies, crawling towards his character desperate to tear off his flesh.

James laughed into his microphone because Logan was never good at Biohazard Battle Blast. "Dude you suck. I'm not saving your ass _again._" The zombies succumbed to Logan, destroying him until he was nothing but bone. The sight was pretty gruesome; the game had quality special effects.

"_Shiiit. James friends don't let friends die in video games."_ Even if Logan was attempting a false sense of seriousness James could hear the laugh in his voice as he spoke. "_Seriously dude next time save me, how am I supposed to trust you if a true zombie apocalypse comes our way?_"

"You are spending way too much time with Carlos if you're actually beginning to think a zombie apocalypse is possible."

James could practically hear the embarrassment and flush of Logan's cheeks through the call. "_He provides a very persuasive argument._"

"Oh really, how? Because the Carlos I know wouldn't be able to talk me into anything. That kid's head is basically Wonderland." James chuckled and let go of his controller to pop a twizzler into his mouth, waiting for Logan's response.

"_Leave me alone okay._"

"Whatever, so when are you two hanging out next? Oh and start the next game I wanna beat your ass for like the tenth time."

Logan groaned through the receiver. "_One of these days I'm gonna win and rub it in your face,"_ he paused to set up a new round of zombie slaying. "_And we have practice on Saturday morning, bright and early. What about you and lover boy?_"

"He's going away next week for something, but I think we are hanging out Friday night. You and Carlos should join, we're basically just going to hang out here and play video games and what not."

"_What not as in swallow each other's tongues? Because really I don't need to see that._"

"We're an adorable couple so shut up. You should still come, work a little more on getting Carlos to fall for that terrible charm of yours."

"_Hey I can be charming._"

James rolled his eyes, remembering Logan couldn't see him. "Sure you are, you're more of an asshole than anything."

"_Look who's talking._"

"Yeah but at least I admit to it." James smirked as his fingers started fumbling with the controller and its buttons, the next round already starting.

* * *

Kendall didn't like the look his mom gave him when he walked through the door after James dropped him off at home Thursday. She was sitting at the counter, shoulders slumped with her chin resting in her hand. Her blue eyes were soft and dreary as she watched Kendall walk in with his backpack still on his shoulder and a smile on his lips. A smile that faltered once he saw her.

Immediately he dropped his bag to the ground near the door before gesturing with nimble and quick fingers. "_Mom what's wrong? Are you sick? Did someone...die_?"

Jennifer shakes her head at the last two questions, a frown etched onto her face as she motioned back with four simple words. "_We need to talk."_

Oh this is bad. This is bad, bad, bad. It's horrible. What if she knew about James and saw them kiss in the front of James car? Kendall was shaking, he had no idea how his mom would react to him having a boyfriend, if that's what James even was. He really wasn't sure. All he knew was he really liked kissing him. His lips were soft and gentle, and his tongue had such a sweetness that Kendall could only match the taste to James and nothing else. When they kissed it struck something inside him, setting him on fire in a way he didn't know his body could. It was like being burned alive only Kendall loved it, he thrived off the feeling of James' fingers in his hair or his strong hands digging into his waist. And when his mouth would wander along his jaw, up and down his throat, or even attach to his ear Kendall's whole body would shiver in anticipation and his jeans would tighten and he loved every second of it. He wondered if affected James the same way.

Blocking any thoughts of James out Kendall started to sweat. He didn't know if he was ready to talk about James to his mom, or even tell her he was gay if that's what he was. He found girls, lots of girls attractive and pretty but something about James and the way he kissed him made any thought of soft, glossed lips and smooth curves escape his mind. Maybe he was just James-sexual and the idea of his mom knowing about it made his skin crawl and his body go numb.

Jennifer must have noticed Kendall's frightened expression, or the way his nose scrunched up in worry over James because he soon realized his mom was wrapping her arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly to her.

In an attempt to not hurt her feelings Kendall pushed her away gently, acknowledging the fact he never responded as his thoughts lingered on James. "_Mom, really what's wrong? What do we have to talk about?" _

She gave him a sad smile and ruffled his blond hair with her fingers before answering. "_I canceled your appointment with Doctor Stone next week."_

Kendall shrugged, he didn't see what the big deal was, it was just another useless appointment, until he remembered exactly why they scheduled it in the first place. His stomach dropped to his knees. "_But you rescheduled right?"_

_"Kendall it's a lot of money. The insurance only covers half the cost, and even after its still $20,000 out of our pockets to pay. We just can't do it right now."_

He tried not to cry as he watched her lips move, reading the words instead of her hands because he didn't want to believe it. They've been putting the operation off for years, since he was a kid because the timing was never right or the cost was too expensive. Kendall was sick of being looked over. _"Take it from my college fund mom, we have to have some money saved up there, right? Enough to pay for it. Mom please don't make me wait any longer for this. I've been waiting ever since dad..."_

_"I get that Kendall, I really do, and if your dad was still here, you would've had the surgery years ago, but I can't change the past and I'm not digging into your college fund for this. I don't want you to end up like me, I want you to be able to go to college and have a future. Please don't hate me for this."_

_"But that's what this showcase is for mom. That's for college and Juilliard because I know James and I will win. He has all these great ideas for us and even though I can't hear what it sounds like I can feel it and I know it's something amazing, something spectacular. Mom we have to do this now."_

He watched as her face fell, silent tears streaming down her face because he knew she was blaming herself for this, even when it wasn't her fault. He knew it wasn't but he couldn't help but argue with her and prove to her he was right because he needed this procedure more than anything. He needed it and he wanted it and finally when it was just about to come through everything falls apart. What a lousy hand he was dealt with.

_"Kendall I know and I'm sorry. If I could do it you know I would, it's hard enough already working two jobs just to support you and Katie because everything I do is for you two. I promise though, I promise with everything that I have that as soon as something comes up we will fix this and you'll get the operation. I promise Kendall."_

Kendall scoffed and pushed by her out of the kitchen, stomping down the hall and stopping at his bedroom door before turning back to look at her again. He gestured quickly before locking himself away in his room. "_You've said that a thousand times mom, when are you actually going to mean it?"_

He locked himself in his room for a while, bony knees pulled up to his chest as he sat on his bed, staring blankly at the wall. His elbows crossed over his knees, making a place for him to rest his chin as he stared, tears slowly making their way down his pink cheeks. Why couldn't he be normal?

Kendall sighed, a sigh so big he could feel it in his lungs as his chest grew outwards, letting the air sink in fully before exhaling softly. His throat was itchy but he didn't cough, he ignored the lump and continued to sit there, feeling sorry for himself, something he hated doing.

When his phone vibrated in his pocket he ignored it, Kendall wasn't exactly in the mood for small talk. Really he just wanted to punch something, break something beyond the point of fixing it. Despite his depression he was angry with everything that had ever gone wrong in his life; his dad dying, people ignoring him, not being able to talk, unable to fucking hear. The last one hurt him the most as he imagined everything that was making noises around him, yet he couldn't hear them. Maybe his sister was watching tv in the den, and he'd be able to hear the chatter from the characters onscreen. Maybe his mom was making dinner and he'd listen as she screwed up an ingredient or too, or if she dropped something. Maybe he'd hear the furnace click on and off like he was told many times before that it did. Maybe he'd be on the phone, talking to actual friends, talking to James, hearing him laugh and smile through the phone.

Being deaf really fucking sucked sometimes.

After about a full hour of feeling sorry for himself, his room growing darker around him as the sky outside fell into a twilight, the daylight decreasing day by day as they came closer to winter, Kendall finally checked his phone. It was James, like always. "_If a zombie apocalypse occurred, would you let me get eaten?"_

It was an odd question, totally stumping Kendall as he stared blankly at screen, wondering just what James was on to ask something as bizarre as that. Shaky fingers hastily replied, "_Depends if I'd be in any imminent danger. Gotta save myself first." _Okay so maybe he would save James, but it was a pretty big maybe, Kendall did like living after all.

"_Glad I can count on you to have my back_," Kendall's could practically taste the sarcasm.

"_Anytime pretty boy."_

"_Whatever dork. Anything new in Kendall land?"_

Kendall let out a long, slow exhale. Although you'd think not much would've changed in the past few hours, they did, and they royally sucked. _"I'm staying around next week."_

_"That's great, we can hang out then."_

_"...yeah great."_

_"Or we don't have to hang out, whatever."_

Kendall rubbed a hand down his face before scratching at an inch at the back of his neck. _"James that's not what I meant okay? My plans fell through and I'm just pissed."_

_"Mhm okay."_ Now James was pissed, and Kendall had no answer for him. He closed his phone and gave up responding, tossing his phone towards the foot of his bed. He unfurled his knees from his chest and stretched, getting out of bed and leaving his room that was now totally consumed in a shadow. Down the hall and in the den he found Katie entranced in some sort of dancing show. With a scoff he stole the remote and flipped to mindless television, subtitles galore.

Katie poked him in the side to steal his attention. "_I was watching something_." She signed.

He signed back, "_Well now you're not,"_ and directed his eyes back to the screen. Kendall wasn't in the mood to deal with his cranky preteen sister at the moment. Really he wasn't in the mood to deal with anything.

All through dinner Kendall sat with his head down as he mindlessly played with his food, not really bothering to eat. He wasn't hungry. A few bites here and there and he felt like he'd be sick. He just kept having to remember not to look up, because he didn't want to meet his mom's eyes or Katie's stare. He really just wanted to leave.

Once his stomach was full, Kendall excused himself from the table and fled back to his room, grateful he was no longer under the watchful eyes of his mom or Katie. He flicked on the lamp by his bed and dug through the drawer in his nightstand before extracting a pair of headphones. They were the gaudy kind of headphones, round and large as they completely covered Kendall's ears as he put them on. He hooked them up to an old iPod he had clicked shuffle in an attempt to get lost in the music.

Kendall used to hope that somehow something would leak through the brick wall in his ear drums, letting him hear something. It never happened. Even at the loudest setting, not a single word or mutter or pluck of a guitar string perked his attention. Instead all he could feel was the mind numbing vibrations as the headphones hummed against either side of his head. Although it'd never be enough, Kendall learned to deal with what he'd get.

He laid there for an hour or two, drumming his long fingers against his thighs as he only began to imagine how the melody sounded. Relying on his imagination did him no good; in his mind everything sounded the same, no matter how different the beats felt. Perks of being deaf I guess.

Around eleven he switched off the lamp, even when he wasn't tired. Remembering he left his phone down by his feet he sat up to reach for it blindly in the dark, checking for any messages he doubted he'd have. To his surprise there were a few.

_"Hey Kendall, I'm sorry you're pissed, just don't be mad at me, okay?"_

Three hours earlier. _"Okay be mad at me, just don't hate me."_

Hour and a half earlier. "_Goddammit Kendall I don't like this. Answer me."_

Ten minutes earlier. "_I don't know what you're missing out on next week, and it must be important if it means this much to you. I'm sorry your plans got cancelled, but I'd appreciate it if you'd text me back so I know you're still alive."_

In his hand his phone went off as he scrolled through the messages. "_Last one I promise. Just wanted to let you know I haven't stopped thinking about you since I dropped you off this afternoon. Sweet dreams Kendall."_

Should he respond? Should he leave it be? Kendall couldn't make a rational decision, but it seemed his fingers made the choice for him, and long before he knew what was happening the text was sent and out of his control. "_Come over."_

Kendall knew it was stupid, James was probably already in his pajamas or in bed or doing whatever he did before he went to bed. There was no way he'd drop everything to come see Kendall, because something inside the blond was telling him that he needed James. He didn't know why, he just knew he did.

When his phone vibrated Kendall was hesitant to open the message but he did anyways, a smile gracing his lips as he read the words onscreen. "_On my way."_

His heart started beating a little faster at the three little words that barely meant anything at all. Dropping his phone to the side, Kendall turned back on his lamp and scrambled around his bedroom to change, because really, who's in jeans at eleven o'clock at night? Instead he slipped into a pair of sweats and a long sleeved tee before hopping back in his bed and staring out the window.

Every time a car passed by his chest would tighten, along with his almost sweaty grip on the windowsill. He cursed the fact that he lived on a busy street, thinking every car would be James when it wasn't.

As he waited he thought about why he even asked James to come over, and he really hoped the guy didn't expect anything from him. Kendall just wanted someone with him, someone to be around him who wasn't part of his family. He wanted James because he liked to believe that he mattered to James, because James mattered to him. And maybe Kendall just wanted to hold onto James, and feel those arms around his waist and feel that steady heart beat beneath his touch that always seemed to speed up when he was around the brunette. And maybe he wanted to kiss James just once, because it felt like forever since he last had the pleasure of feeling those soft lips against his own.

In reality he had no idea what would happen, he was just relieved he remembered to brush his teeth.

When a pair of headlights drove cautiously down the road, slowly coming to a stop at the curb outside Kendall's house his stomach knotted and it was like his sweat glands grew sweat glands because his palms were soaked. _Calm down Knight_, he told himself, literally getting a grip as he opened up his window, hoping James would notice and come to him instead of the front door. Kendall breathed a sigh of relief when he did.

James pulled a hand out of the pockets of his jeans to wave at Kendall before effortlessly lifting himself up and sliding through open space, landing rather smoothly on Kendall's bed. As soon as he was inside Kendall slid the window shut and climbed up on the mattress next to James.

Their thighs pressed together as they sat in silence, twiddling their thumbs and sneaking peeks at each other through from under their bangs. It wasn't until maybe the third sneaking look from Kendall that the blond started chuckling, signing to James, "_Hi_"

"_Hi."_

Kendall sighed. "_Hi."_

It'd been a few weeks since James had first started learning sign language, and to be honest he sucked at it, but somehow Kendall understood him. "_Kendall why'd you ask me to come over?"_

His broad shoulders rose and fell defeatedly in a shrug. "_Because being alone is awfully lonely."_ Before James could answer Kendall grabbed a hold of his hand and linked their fingers together, squeezing them softly as James did the same. The smile that met Kendall with was absolutely breathtaking.

And soon he was crying. Tears stained his cheeks as he leaned into James, the brunette providing more than the perfect shoulder for Kendall to cry on. As he cried James would pet his hair affectionately, his fingers soft as they pushed back Kendall's bangs, James' other hand at Kendall's back and rubbing soothing circles into the muscles there.

He's not sure how long he cried, he just knew he felt stupid for doing so. Kendall didn't want James to see him cry, he just wanted to lay in his arms and kiss him and cuddle so he wouldn't feel so alone, but obviously that didn't happen. Plus, who wants to kiss a blubbering boy who's already doing a number on James' shirt by soaking the collar with his tears? In Kendall's mind that idea sounded about as flattering as going to school butt naked.

He didn't remember how it happened, but he soon realized they were no longer sitting up but lying down instead. Kendall's head was perched against James' chest as he fisted the brunette's sweatshirt in his still sweaty palms. He felt like a joke, because boys aren't supposed to cry, they never cry, yet Kendall seems to cry all the time.

Usually no one watched him, until now.

After a while the tears subsided into endless sniffles. In the dark Kendall found James' gaze and the soft smile on his thin lips. James lifted a finger and poked Kendall's nose delicately, mouthing the words, "_You're cute_," although Kendall highly doubted he looked his best just then. He could just imagine his red cheeks, swollen lips, and heavy lidded eyes. At James' comment Kendall shook his head.

Something of a sigh fell from James' lips as he pulled Kendall forward, the blond sliding over the brunette's body as James tucked a finger under Kendall's chin, lips just centimeters apart. "_You are_." He mouthed, James' gaze flicking from Kendall's eyes, down to his lips and back. Kendall knew what James wanted, and he wanted the same. Soon he was closing the distance between them, swallowing each other's every breath as their lips connected, slotting together like lock and key.

Kendall clung to James, long fingers curled around muscular shoulders while rough hands as soft as feathers carded through his hair. Lips sucked while tongues tangled and teeth nibbled. All they could do was taste and feel and suddenly Kendall believed what they all said. Supposedly when you lack a sensation, the other four senses strengthen to make up for what was lost. And so maybe he couldn't hear the soft moans or quiet whimpers James was making, but he could taste every inch of his mouth with his tongue and feel the heat radiating off James' body in waves as he laid on top of him, pressing him to the mattress and cocking his head at angle just to kiss James deeper, and get as deep as he possibly could.

Before he knew it James flipped them and had Kendall on his back as he held onto the side of Kendall's face, his thumb stroking the blond's jaw and cheek as his other hand wandered up and down the length of Kendall's side. At one point Kendall felt James press hot and hard against him and something like a fire ignited inside of him and everything they were doing wasn't enough. In the dark Kendall found James' hand and gripped onto his wrist, dragging James' hand down the center of his body and stopping to settle just above the brim of his pants. James broke the kiss and looked at Kendall with anxious eyes, getting the answer he needed when Kendall lazily lifted his hips off the bed, meeting James in such a beautiful friction that the brunette was closing his eyes, biting his lip and nodding his head.

What came next took Kendall's breath away. Something so strong yet soft enveloped him in heat, his hips bucking up into James' hand as he touched Kendall, their foreheads pressed together with every breath mixing as one. Sure Kendall had jacked off before, all alone in his dark room but it never felt like this. He didn't have to do any work, all he had to do was lay back and relax and try to remember how to breathe as James fisted his cock, twisting his wrist in all the right ways and tapping his thumb against Kendall's tip as if he'd been doing it his whole life.

Kendall didn't notice when his breath began to start stuttering, coming out in short gasps as he continued to lazily lift his hips up into James' hand. He knew he was close and had no way of letting James know. Instead he took hold of either side of the brunette's face and kissed him long and hard, earning himself a lazy smile from the brunette just as Kendall's hips increased their speed.

Catching Kendall's hint James let go of Kendall and scooted back until he was straddling the blond's ankles and pulling his boxers and pants down around his hips. Kendall was met with a rush of cold hair, groaning at the loss of heat until a new and unfamiliar warmth wrapped around his dick. It was hot and Kendall could not breathe while his hands wound up in James' hair, tugging and pulling and forcing him farther down until his nose nuzzled against the base of his cock and fuck Kendall never wanted James to stop because he had such a beautiful tongue and such a perfect mouth for him to fuck. James tried to hold Kendall's hips down as the blond shallowly trusted himself farther down his throat but Kendall couldn't seem to take a hint. Instead Kendall was panting like a porn star as he held onto James' hair, the familiar heat building in his stomach from a low simmer to an aching burning and then the blond was coming, harder than he ever came before, down James' throat.

When it was all over Kendall was met with a very flushed James, with lips so soft and wet and Kendall just had to kiss him.

It was weird, tasting himself on the other's tongue but Kendall enjoyed the feeling, and he couldn't wait to return the favor. But when he tried to push his hand down James' pants the brunette pushed him away and kissed his forehead gently. "I'm good," he mouthed. "Let's just lay here together."

So they did. Together they held onto each other, James underneath Kendall while the blond rested his head on James' chest, falling against the rhythm of James' heart with James' chin pressed against the top of his head. It wasn't soon before long when they were both fast asleep, a mess of tangled lips and beating hearts.

* * *

At five a.m. James woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. Thanking whatever god there was that he didn't wake the sleeping blond, James fumbled cautiously around the bed for his phone, rubbing his groggy eyes as he pressed the damn thing up to his ear. "Mmm'ello?"

_"James where are you_?" If any voice could tear him out of his half asleep state it was his moms.

"Mmmom? I'm at..." He glanced down at Kendall snuggling close to his chest and smiled. _"_I'm at Logan's."

_"You slept over on a school night?"_

Shit, it was Friday. "Sorry mom it's a long story, I'll explain later..." _Much later, when I can think of an excuse_. "I'm coming home now though, okay? I'll be there soon."

"_I'll be waiting_." Brooke threatened over the phone before the call went dead. James gulped and slowly pulled himself out from under Kendall, careful not to wake him when he looked so peaceful. He knew it'd be hell when he got home, and as he climbed out of Kendall's window and landed face first in the bushes, he figured it was all worth it. Never before had he slept with someone before, and he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to last without the blond safely in his arms once again.


End file.
